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August 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
okay... lemme just say, the first chapter was alright, could use more description though, second chapter is where I was like... WTF? WHAT THE HECKS GOING ON? You really should stay with one theme and not jump back and forth to one and then another and then back and then to a completely differently one than the second or first all together.
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May 2, 2009 at 12:00 AM
good story
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April 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This was a great story. I enjoyed reading it.
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December 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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December 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like it. Please update soon.
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December 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Excellent. I look forward to reading more.
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December 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like it. Please update soon.
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November 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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October 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
im confused to why he moaned out 'hermione' he didn't seem to know who the witch was. besides for that love the start
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July 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
You have a good premise here, but it needs to be filled out some with details. How did the characters feel about the events? What did Remus' flat look like? What did the courtroom look like? Is the Burrow still the same mess with an overstuffed couch? Where does this take place in the canon timeline? What has changed from that timeline?
Where was Harry [big part of the Trio] and how did he feel about all this?
The characters were also flatly out of character. Would Hermione really say that stuff about how she likes sex in front of all those strangers, without any hesistation? Would Ron really let Hermione tesify without interrupting her? Lupin was consumating a bond with his mate...Would he not feel anything? What was people wearing?
Also you should look at all of the chapters and play 'one of these things is not like the others'. The writing style is inconsistant and makes the story disjointed. I suggest making it all prose as that flows better.
I really do like the premise tho' and I can see the potential of this story. [Which is why I reviewed.]
~A.M.A~
Where was Harry [big part of the Trio] and how did he feel about all this?
The characters were also flatly out of character. Would Hermione really say that stuff about how she likes sex in front of all those strangers, without any hesistation? Would Ron really let Hermione tesify without interrupting her? Lupin was consumating a bond with his mate...Would he not feel anything? What was people wearing?
Also you should look at all of the chapters and play 'one of these things is not like the others'. The writing style is inconsistant and makes the story disjointed. I suggest making it all prose as that flows better.
I really do like the premise tho' and I can see the potential of this story. [Which is why I reviewed.]
~A.M.A~