rate_review Reviews

you have GOT to continue this story! I want to keep reading it!

" the damage is done"???
what has happened?? what's happening???
ooooh its getting better every minute
update soon! cant wait

aakkk! i need the next chapter... i wish there was a way that this site would notify us with updates to our favorite stories damn it!

omg! i love this story! its absolutely amazing! poor hermione..she was sooo close! i can only imagin the shock on mcgonagalls face when she walked in on them...lol...*snicker*...please please update soon!! i cant wait to read more!

this is good i like it

Elen:
thank you for the review...I have never been criticized in such a creative manner. I have come to realize on fanfiction that you can not please everyone...I used to be less descriptive and I was criticized for using to much dialogue...I used to write shorter chapters and move through them quicker but then there were complaints about things happening to quickly...I have been told that I am too wordy and that I don't use enough words, I have been told that my characters are to OOC and I have been told that the characters are exactly right, I have been told that I shouldn't do this and I shouldn't do that and why did you do that and how dare you do that...I have finally decided that I shall take each review as it comes and sometimes I will agree with it and sometimes I won't...sometimes I finish a chapter and think that it was absolutely crap and other times I finish a chapter and think its the best thing that I have ever written...and guess what happens then? my crap chapter gets twenty review and my best chapter ever gets one! So...as I said at the beginning of this...you can't please everyone, but I appreciate the review anyway...any by the way...the pert nipples or perky breast analogy has been way overdone...

Oh no! What a cliffie. Poor Hermione. I cannot wait to see where this goes.

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?

I was excited by the premise of this story however, the writing is lacking. You describe each and every thing that happens and it's just not neccessary. I also think that the most recent chapter "need" is poorly written. The letters seem un-natural, they sound like emails not letters. At this point your writing is choppy and exact. To make it flow better I would reccomend the use of descriptive adjectives. These two sentences come from your story: "She quietly removed her cloak and let it drop where she stood. She slipped out of her shoes and then removed her tie and vest, and then unbuttoned the first several buttons of her blouse until her lacy bra and heavy cleavage showed." These sentences use a lot of words to describe very little action. The adjectives are boring and it sounds choppy when read aloud. Rather than using sentences like those use sentences like these. Hermione removed her cloak allowing it to glide down her body to the floor, she removed the excess layers of her outfit and unbuttoned her blouse so her full pert breasts were exposed. The verb glide is more sensual than the word drop, as are the adjectives full and pert. Using adjectives and verbs which are sexy will allow the story to be sexy and sensual without being overt. Also the use of adjectives and adverbs keeps the story flowing and moving while entertaining.

I think you have great ideas, you just need to work on your writing a little. Technicly it's superb, better than mine I am sure, now it's time to be creative.

Best Wishes,
Elen

DAMN! That was so MEAN!!!