schedule
August 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
November 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Very nicely done. Readers of Deathly Hallows would know what was coming, but you made a believable secret romantic involvement between two intelligent, lonely people who might have really found each other if Voldemort hadn't intervened. The story was destined to be sad, but Hermione had something lasting from her love and so she was lucky in one way.
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Minor suggestion: watch out for your tense changes. You have some present tense mixed in with your past tense. Your story is written in the past tense so the few present tense sentences stand out and don't fit in.
Some examples:
"His normally tightly buttoned overcoat is(WAS) no where in sight." (nowhere is one word)
"She is(WAS) a student and it would be unethical."
"The flimsy barrier is(WAS) the only thing that stood between him and salvation."
"She knew he wouldn
_____________
Minor suggestion: watch out for your tense changes. You have some present tense mixed in with your past tense. Your story is written in the past tense so the few present tense sentences stand out and don't fit in.
Some examples:
"His normally tightly buttoned overcoat is(WAS) no where in sight." (nowhere is one word)
"She is(WAS) a student and it would be unethical."
"The flimsy barrier is(WAS) the only thing that stood between him and salvation."
"She knew he wouldn
schedule
October 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I thought it was great, very gut wrenching when she accuses him. I enjoyed it and I think you should write more!!! Another story perhaps, since its a one shot. You have great instincts.
Cheers!
Cheers!
schedule
October 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
October 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
October 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
It was beautiful. *Sniff*