rate_review Reviews

wow update soon *kisses*

You know, there is a little thing called 'comma', I think your fic could use some in it.

Look in to it.

very good chapter.

I would like to read more

good chapter.

The plot of your story has real potential. The story itself was good, but the grammar was so horrible I couldn't get past the first few sentences. You have everything jumbled up with no punctuation.

It would be a very good idea for you to get that beta'd and repost. Grammar that bad makes it look like you just slapped any old thing down and clicked publish. Sorry, people not being able to spell small simple words is one of my major pet peeves. I know that nobody is perfect... but good lord.

Don't take this as bitching and flaming. Call it advice from a fellow author. If you're really trying then that's great. Do yourself and your readers the favor of learning basic spelling and grammar before you publish your work for others to see.

You had an excellent idea and it could have been fantastically done. I know you said don't bitch at you but I think you cheapened your work by posting in this condition. Maybe it's just that I'm a little OCD but I don't post anything without having a three hour sit down with my beta reviewing and questioning every word, comma, and turn of phrase. I know it's tedious and annoying but my work reflects not only my skill but my passion. A story is more than words and periods. Sentence structure and spacing convey just as big of a message. The format of your story just makes it seem like you didn't care and if you don't care- why should I? If you need a beta I can recommend some people who have done well by me or I'm sure you have offers form other reviewers. Find someone you trust and let them help you because honestly,I went into this sotry with high expectations and, while I can see great potential in your ideas, you ultimately disappointed me.

I'll beta this for you if you like, because there is potential in this but you really really need it edited. Spaces, full stops all that rubbish. Send me an email at phoenix_fire_cat@yahoo.com if you want me to beta it, I'll happily do so and send you the completed file back for you to replace this with. And if you do write more, send it to me as well and I'll beta that for you too. Oh and you know how some people change what you wrote and stuff? I wont do that, just fix the actual layout of it so it's easier to read and less rushed, there could be some minor editing in the actual mechanics of what it says but otherwise the content would still be your original stuff.

So let me know what you decide.

~gorgeousbowneyes

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Great story. Please continue.