Oh, this so needs another chapter...or two. But I do see a’canon’ problem: if muggle technology doesn’t work well at Hogwarts (because of all the magic), then how is poor Ginny ever going to do her ‘homework’ and watch that video? Especially when Hogwarts seems to lack TVs & DVD players, too...
I personally didn’t like Ron interrupting Harry and Ginny, and given that the Weasley boys all seem to have a healthy respect (fear?) of Ginny’s skills as a witch, I’m surprised she lets Ron get away with it without hexing him!
Good on ya! Seven pages/chapters that really have the feel of a young couple (or two) getting together and exploring their sexual attraction, without going the ‘quickie’ route. I always liked the H/G pairing, thought JKR got it exactly right. What I didn’t like was Ron being overly protective of Ginny’s virtue, Ginny wouldn’t have stood for it (think bat bogey hex) and neither would have Hermione!
A word about editing: in a nutshell, find someone to read your story and check it before you post it! Spell check isn’t enough, it will miss ‘thought’ when you meant ‘through’, to take an example from this story. One of the toughest things to do is edit your own writing, because you know what you meant to say/write, you tend to read right over your mistakes even when you do try to correct them! One pet peeve: lent is the past tense of ‘to lend’; leant (or leaned) is the past tense of ‘to lean’! I don’t know if it’s Brit usage vs Yank usage, or what, but it drives me nuts!
Last thing: dialogue is tough to write, when two characters are having an intimate conversation, if it doesn’t sound natural, it will spoil the mood (and the story) for the reader, if not for the characters. Most of the dialogue in this story was good, in fact it was way better than the dialogue in a lot of the stories I’ve read on this site. There were still a couple of awkward passages, though, and the only way to fix that is to have a couple of people read the lines to each other, so you can hear what it sounds like.
Do write more!
I know I came to this site late, and I’m sure I’m older than most who have posted their writings here, Yhat said, this story has two problems common to many I have read. First, it is poorly edited; there are far too many spelling and grammatical mistakes, as well as an overuse or misuse of pronouns (eg: him instead of her, etc). Second, like many stories it seems to have been abandoned without a true denouement, it ends without tying up the loose ends. So, what happened?
It's a tad unrealistic.. The main idea is good, however.
As for the writing itself, it's not that bad.
You need to tidy it up, though.. Especially the dialogue... it's hard to get who says what and the flow's just off..
The characters are.. Well, quite out of character, I'm afraid..
But on the other hand, I must add that despite all my whining I liked this story a lot.
=]
I cannot wait to see what Ginny does to Harry!