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May 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
what an assshole ron was. bastard
but harry didnt have to kill him, he could've stupified him.
good story
hot
but harry didnt have to kill him, he could've stupified him.
good story
hot
schedule
April 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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December 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
schedule
December 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
AHHHHHHHHH, I didn't even know you continued, the last chapter I read was them parting for patrol! Holy Cow! Merlin's Beard, you killed off Ron? I mean, it's not like he didn't deserve it, but hey, get in here and finish this story. Hermione came back to the head room and they seriously need to 'comfort' each other :)
If I don't talk to you before next week, hope you have a Wonderful, Merry Christmas!
If I don't talk to you before next week, hope you have a Wonderful, Merry Christmas!
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December 12, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow that was unexpected, good but unexpected
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October 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I thought this fic was really cute, sweet and extremely fluffy and loveable and, lets face it, everybody needs some fluff in their life once a while!
Fiaxxx
Fiaxxx
schedule
June 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I have a couple points of criticism:
-The idea for the story isn't new, I feel like I'm rereading unimaginative HGDM story on here. That said, it doesn't mean it can't be original and interesting, but as it is, your story feels like it's lacking something.
-I'm all for smut scenes. I love smut scenes, yours are very well written. But beyond that, everything else is too rushed. It makes your writign style seem immature, and makes me question your age. If you want to write smut, go for it. Make it a one-shot PWP. There are plenty of amazing one shots. I think you're writing style would be better suited for something like that, as opposed to a multi-chapter story. That said, if you were to put lots of one-shots as chapters of one "story," where the character were always in the same relationships (ex: Draco is always in love with Hermione, Hermione always made the first move...) So that it felt like the same story continuing, but focused on the smut, that would be okay. But as it is now, you're rushing everything. You're descriptions tell, not show.
-(Always show not tell.) Ex: Hermione blushed. VS Hermione felt her cheeks grow hot. Which is more interesting? The second one (even though that's a bit cliche too).
Anyway, those are my criticisms. I hope you keep writing, because, to be honest, as I writer I have the same problems I think you do. I'm too hurried to get to the parts that I'm excited for, and it shows in the poorer quality of writing.
Good luck and keep writing!
-The idea for the story isn't new, I feel like I'm rereading unimaginative HGDM story on here. That said, it doesn't mean it can't be original and interesting, but as it is, your story feels like it's lacking something.
-I'm all for smut scenes. I love smut scenes, yours are very well written. But beyond that, everything else is too rushed. It makes your writign style seem immature, and makes me question your age. If you want to write smut, go for it. Make it a one-shot PWP. There are plenty of amazing one shots. I think you're writing style would be better suited for something like that, as opposed to a multi-chapter story. That said, if you were to put lots of one-shots as chapters of one "story," where the character were always in the same relationships (ex: Draco is always in love with Hermione, Hermione always made the first move...) So that it felt like the same story continuing, but focused on the smut, that would be okay. But as it is now, you're rushing everything. You're descriptions tell, not show.
-(Always show not tell.) Ex: Hermione blushed. VS Hermione felt her cheeks grow hot. Which is more interesting? The second one (even though that's a bit cliche too).
Anyway, those are my criticisms. I hope you keep writing, because, to be honest, as I writer I have the same problems I think you do. I'm too hurried to get to the parts that I'm excited for, and it shows in the poorer quality of writing.
Good luck and keep writing!
schedule
June 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like it. Please update soon.
schedule
June 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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June 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
oh my god!!!! please continue the story!!!! oh gosh!!!! keep it up its amazing!!!!