schedule
April 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
*agrees with last reviewer*
It was nice, but it seems you repeat a lot of words a lot. Especially ass/pussy. I mean there are other words for them. ^^ Good luck with your following chapters.
It was nice, but it seems you repeat a lot of words a lot. Especially ass/pussy. I mean there are other words for them. ^^ Good luck with your following chapters.
schedule
April 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Not too bad, but you really, really, really need to work at your style. Here are some things you should do:
1) Proofread! It's not hard and will help you to eliminate embarressing mistakes (e.g. messing up posting this story here)
2) don't use the wrong words! You often use homonyms where they don't belong (gown /grown, loose/lose etc.)
3) More linking words and smoother breaks between different sex techniques
I am sure that you will see my points once you actually have read your stories before posting them here.
1) Proofread! It's not hard and will help you to eliminate embarressing mistakes (e.g. messing up posting this story here)
2) don't use the wrong words! You often use homonyms where they don't belong (gown /grown, loose/lose etc.)
3) More linking words and smoother breaks between different sex techniques
I am sure that you will see my points once you actually have read your stories before posting them here.
schedule
April 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That was fucking hot, very well written. Looking forward to the next chapter.