AFF Fiction Portal
schedule April 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
im very curious to read about what happens next. although i do find the concept interesting, your story is going at a very fast pace and sounds very unrealistic. there are way too many changes with the plot within the 1st chapter and there are spelling and grammer mistakes. i also dont understand harry's action. is he with voldy or is he on the light side? either way, it sounds unrealistic. my suggestion is to try to spread out all of the changes you want to make to the plot over several chapters and perhaps get a beta to help you with the grammer/spelling mistakes and to help you spread out all of this you've given us.

please dont take this as a flame. the fic has potential and im very curious to see where you take it. gods, i love a good D/s fic and i'd love to see how you incorporate that dynamic with with this sexy pair

cheers!
person Selera
schedule April 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I already like this and look forward to your next chapter.