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February 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 6: Is your writer's block because you can't decide which way you are going to jump on handling Lucius Malfoy? It seems as though you've introduced him now as a slightly less malevolent character (which I like). Is there some secret why he hasn't been showing up at meals?
What are the girls' reasons for making their plans to continue hounding Lucius? If I remember correctly, DLM meant death to Lucius Malfoy. Right? Apparently he's not the worst teacher if Hermione agrees it's Trelawney (of course, it would be hard to surpass her for lousy teaching). Can we see Lucius in action in class? He teaches a class that has some good possibilities for drama - or comedy. The class could have a field trip. There could be discussion or a showing of the girl students mooning over Lucius and the hassle it causes him - maybe finding them waylaying him between his rooms and his classroom, or in the men's room. Adolescent girls aren't known for their reticence or subtlety in some cases.
If Lucius is to become the focus of your group's enmity, what strong reason do they have? I may have forgotten between chapters.
The chapter itself is well done - I don't see your need for a beta - and you've begun to have Hermione interact with Lucius. I think this moves you forward. I hope you continue. I think Lucius as a professor is sexy.
What are the girls' reasons for making their plans to continue hounding Lucius? If I remember correctly, DLM meant death to Lucius Malfoy. Right? Apparently he's not the worst teacher if Hermione agrees it's Trelawney (of course, it would be hard to surpass her for lousy teaching). Can we see Lucius in action in class? He teaches a class that has some good possibilities for drama - or comedy. The class could have a field trip. There could be discussion or a showing of the girl students mooning over Lucius and the hassle it causes him - maybe finding them waylaying him between his rooms and his classroom, or in the men's room. Adolescent girls aren't known for their reticence or subtlety in some cases.
If Lucius is to become the focus of your group's enmity, what strong reason do they have? I may have forgotten between chapters.
The chapter itself is well done - I don't see your need for a beta - and you've begun to have Hermione interact with Lucius. I think this moves you forward. I hope you continue. I think Lucius as a professor is sexy.
schedule
February 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
boy computers are such pains-in-the-asses. so are bad internet connections. well i just started to read your story i love the lucius you have created and i love hermione and lucius fics! :) i am really looking forward to lots-lots more! hope that your writers block will quit giving you trouble and that life wont trough you any cruve balls for a while. i will be watching for a new chapter! i am not a big fan of same-sex pairs but hay what ever flots your boat. i will be looking forward to the l/h parts though! :)
ps i love the way you have El i espically love the eyes i always thaught that would be cool to vielot eyes! ;)
ps i love the way you have El i espically love the eyes i always thaught that would be cool to vielot eyes! ;)
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February 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This is a great fic..please update this soon
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August 6, 2007 at 12:00 AM
interesting story hope you update soon
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July 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 5: Writer's block is extremely difficult, isn't it? I hate when you get started well, and then suddenly you feel like you've written yourself into a corner and can't figure out where to go. I'm glad you're moving ahead now.
Of course, I'm happy that Lucius is turning out not to be a depraved monster. The man is too complex for such a one-note personality in my opinion, but then I love playing with that character so I'm biased.
So DLM proceeds. What will the girls find to do next, I wonder? Hermione has such a fertile brain, it will be fun seeing how she pulls Lucius' tail. Will this story see them as a pair or is it more a Lucius versus Hermione struggle? You've removed some of the nastier edges of their conflict by making him more sympathetic so the DLM isn't so revenge-oriented now, which I think I like. It could be a bit more playful now with Hermione jabbing at Lucius' arrogance and superiority, bringing him down a bit, like a determined little mouse taking chunks out of a lordly lion - not life-threatening, but definitely irritating.
I always like to read how Hermione bests Lucius and makes him belong to her, but if this isn't about that, that's fine too. Two superlative minds dueling is always entertaining. And you got rid of Narcissa!! I do LOVE that! Thanks for updating!
Of course, I'm happy that Lucius is turning out not to be a depraved monster. The man is too complex for such a one-note personality in my opinion, but then I love playing with that character so I'm biased.
So DLM proceeds. What will the girls find to do next, I wonder? Hermione has such a fertile brain, it will be fun seeing how she pulls Lucius' tail. Will this story see them as a pair or is it more a Lucius versus Hermione struggle? You've removed some of the nastier edges of their conflict by making him more sympathetic so the DLM isn't so revenge-oriented now, which I think I like. It could be a bit more playful now with Hermione jabbing at Lucius' arrogance and superiority, bringing him down a bit, like a determined little mouse taking chunks out of a lordly lion - not life-threatening, but definitely irritating.
I always like to read how Hermione bests Lucius and makes him belong to her, but if this isn't about that, that's fine too. Two superlative minds dueling is always entertaining. And you got rid of Narcissa!! I do LOVE that! Thanks for updating!
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April 4, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really love it when Lucius is an evil git, he's just too sexy that way. I just want to know how he hurt himself, and why he's teaching.
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March 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hahaha I just love the idea of Lucius being a teacher for Defense of the Dark Arts, especially such a grumpy one. What kind of punishments does he give for helping others with their homework
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March 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Chapters 1-4: Okay, Elkara has shape-shifting and psychic abilities. Otherwise she's vulnerable. So for the first three chapters, we've met Moaning Myrtle and a couple of irritating teenage boys, aside from the regular cast. I guess I'd like Draco to NOT be a bad guy for a change. That's my vote.
And Lucius Malfoy as the new DADA professor! Oh, that's promising. He just takes over and commands with all his normal arrogance, no matter what he does. Terrific! But he's so conflicted. Mean to the class, then a brief bit of compassion for Hermione, then mean again. Poor baby, he's probably in pain from his ankle injury. So why are Elkara and Hermione so intent on destroying Lucius? He's not the first annoying professor Hermione's had.
Interesting start. I hope Ginny feels better.
And Lucius Malfoy as the new DADA professor! Oh, that's promising. He just takes over and commands with all his normal arrogance, no matter what he does. Terrific! But he's so conflicted. Mean to the class, then a brief bit of compassion for Hermione, then mean again. Poor baby, he's probably in pain from his ankle injury. So why are Elkara and Hermione so intent on destroying Lucius? He's not the first annoying professor Hermione's had.
Interesting start. I hope Ginny feels better.
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March 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like it. Please update soon.
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March 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoyed this first chapter. It has a nice flow and pacing. You used the first chapter as a nice set up and didn't just jump straight into things. Great job! I'm looking forward to reading more!