rate_review Reviews

*claps* I've not read in a bit and this one was happily the best I read today for a new fic to me! *meaning I'd not read it before* I do hope you continue, was the best I read today!

wow... way to leave a crazy evil cliff hanger of anticipation and doom!! >_O

don't be mean... anticipation is a bitch... it makes my tummy hurt v_v

So far your story don't make much sense. For example, it appears you're writing about Harry in the beginning. (What other thin, abused, dark haired boy--who has a friend that matches the description of Ginny--is the reader to assume you're writing about? You gave no clues to the contrary. You should have established your character at the beginning rather than force your reader to guess. I had to read it twice to figure-out why 'Ginny' was calling 'Harry' 'Theo.') I almost stooped reading at this point. I'm assuming you're deliberately being vague to make the reader 'curious.' Instead, it made me think, 'what the hell?'

There's a second point of confusion in the next portion of the chapter. Are Ron and Hermione communicating telepathically? Or are the italics their thoughts, and they are reading each other's expressions? Once again, you've given no clues otherwise.

The next few parts are easier to comprehend.

You should also have a more thorough beta reader look over your story. There's quite a few errors in grammar and punctuation. Also, a good beta reader would have pointed out the issues with your plot.

In the second chapter, you wrote: 'So they all came as early as they could, and got the first compartment in the second train.' What second train? I thought there was only one train to Hogwarts. The second sentence makes even less sense: 'The 5 of the 6 teenage heroes that had found the Horcruxes and defended the Dark Lord in the same place at the same time were very rare.' Why were they *defending* the Dark Lord? And the 'at the same time' part makes no sense either. Were they *defending* the Dark Lord while finding Horcruxes? And what's rare? Horcruxes? Dark Lords? People who defend Dark Lords?

You should do something about your run-on sentences too.

Halfway though the second chapter is as far as I'm going to read. If you ever decide to get a beta reader, let us know. I'll read the rest then.

- Becky

I find this story interesting so far. Please update again soon.

You did it to me again! I can

Uh oh! This sounds bad! I sooo need chapter 12!

...hum...being Gryffindor again - acting without thinking...would the connection be strengthened?

Actually I would like some emotional burst from Draco - telling Harry why he is chosen, at least to show him he is loved by many...he is deserved to be loved...

Things are falling apart! I sooo need chapter 11!

damn... i'd punch the fuck out of his pretty face if i was harry... what a douschey thing to say... but that's not what's bugging me... what's bugging me is that the next chapter seems to be missing... i was really excited and then... nothig.... no lovely blue little link to the next chapter. please fix it... ^_^