rate_review Reviews

Oh I'd love to know what that spell was that Malfoy used in the bath. At least they're making it good for her. I don't suppose that's much of a consolation to Maya though. lol. Hope Snapes not leaving the room JUST yet.
ccino

Chapters 5-7: A tandem event, first one, then the other. Malfoy and Snape share a lot, I see. What was the 'spell'? they used to make Maya enjoy their attentions? And what could Maya have done, really, with her wand anyway? Kept herself safe, when Malfoy's whole idea was sex, sex, and more sex? I don't imagine her wand would have helped her much.

At the end of 14 days Maya is through, and Hermione is set free, but what will keep Hermione from complaining to the authorities? She's not a student under the sway of Malfoy. Shouldn't Malfoy be worried about that? Or will he let her go - just for a moment - and then put her back in the cell (or kill her)? That would be okay under the blood oath. Was Hermione merely a sex toy for Lucius or was there another reason he was holding her in that dank cell?

Well, I'll have to wait and see what the evil blond wizard does. I guess Lucius has no redeeming qualities in your fic. A nasty, vicious wizard and his nasty, vicious wizard friend. Two peas in a pod.

Urgh. Why the hell didn't she read before she signed? That Lucius really is a nasty B*****d. But that's how I like him. Snape too for that matter. lol. Keep it going. Less time between updates please. :D
ccino

Please update again soon. I want to know how Malfoy got hold of Hermione. Will Malfoy take the oath to release Hermione once Maya gives him what he wants? Will Maya end up in the dungeon instead of Hermione? Will Snape join the coupling when Malfoy has his wicked way with Maya? Aargh. Stop keeping me in suspense. I have loads of questions.
ccino

Excellent job so far, really! You definitely fulfill my expectations. I love how your Lucius is so utterly evil and

Chapters 2-4: Oh, my goodness, I do so very much like your story. Opening up spaces between the paragraphs has fixed what was really minor to begin with, but now the suspense has built and I can't wait to see what Maya will choose to do.

It was so clever of her not to jump into Lucius' bargain without checking that it truly was Hermione in the cell. Smart girl! Lucius Malfoy is so evil, but so sex-obsessed - just the way he should be - perfect!! What a Bad Boy - gotta love 'em.

The threesome was delicious - I always thought Lucius and Severus could easily enjoy sex that way so it's great you wrote that in. Light and dark as foils for each other.

I guess my only question is why did Lucius tire of Hermione? Just nosy...

This story has a hell of a lot of promise. You've got off to a goos start and I for one hope you carry on. It's slightly different from the usual and that apeals to me. Keep going and post again soon.
ccino

This truly is your first story? It's wonderful, hon, so don't worry! I absolutely adore a threesome including Severus and Lucius, and since you almost got straight to the point in chapter 1, this story promises more great lemons, doesn't it? ;) Besides, it has this typical evil side of Lucius in it which makes it all the better.
Please continue with your lovely, intriguing story! :)

Chapter One: Hello. I like the suspense of your story line. And the idea of Lucius Malfoy "invading" Hogwarts as the new DADA professor. He's already off to a nasty start.

I do think you would be smart to get a beta to vet your grammar and spelling. And one tip that I believe is in the Resouces/FAQ section under Info/Support (see top of web site on right side). Always put two lines between your paragraphs. Otherwise, as you can see, the paragraphs don't separate very well, making your story harder to read.

If you take care with your grammar and spelling and verb tenses, etc. I think the story will be very interesting - and sexy - to read. You certainly have enough imagination for a writer. All the rest is mechanical which can be solved by a good beta.