rate_review Reviews

No!!! It stopped...so not cool...anyways, I LovE your story it rocks!

I like your story and all, but some of it has me pretty confused. The beginning has me VERY confused. Is it a flashback or something? Also, you have a lot of dangling modifiers which make the story choppy. In the third chapter you wrote: "Spending about an hour or two unpacking, she walked out of her room and headed back to the common room to have a look around." This particular sentence suggests that while spending an hour unpacking, Hermione walked out of her room back to the common room. The correct way to word this sentence would be: "AFTER spending about an hour or two unpacking, she walked out of her room and headed back to the common room to have a look around." That way, it doesn't sound like she's doing two things at once. Your spelling is pretty good, but your grammar, however, is not.

heh, now that last scene was really sexy!
But dayum what is hermione going to do now?!
First she was getting hot and heavy w/ harry,
now she's having hot sex with malfoy, I'm starting to think
she's on mixed up girl. She's not even worried about
her bff!
This is going to get sticky! ^_~

...yummy........