schedule
January 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Impatient reader here...write FASTER!!
schedule
January 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
wow that was great ... please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please update soon i would love to read more .. later for now
angel
angel
schedule
January 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
my god, i love this story.
i can't wait for more!!!
i can't wait for more!!!
schedule
January 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
good chapter. see severus dreams do come true... waiting for more. p
schedule
January 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I am glad you updated so fast....more please soon I love the story!
schedule
January 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
more more more... give us a nice LONG chapter next time
schedule
January 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh you gotta post again. And soon. I just know that there's gonna be some hot action with this one. I'm lovin it already an I only found the story 5 mins ago. Hurreeeeeeee!
ccino
ccino
schedule
January 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Bit short to say something this early.
Just one thing I've noticed: "her servant" is a wrong term here. She's a prioner and though the person bringing her food is someone's servant and acting on someone's orders he definitely isn't Hermione's servant - that would mean SHE had authority over him which obviously isn't the case. You might want to change it to "warden"/"warder" or "guard" or "caretaker" which is more appropriate to the situation.
Just one thing I've noticed: "her servant" is a wrong term here. She's a prioner and though the person bringing her food is someone's servant and acting on someone's orders he definitely isn't Hermione's servant - that would mean SHE had authority over him which obviously isn't the case. You might want to change it to "warden"/"warder" or "guard" or "caretaker" which is more appropriate to the situation.
schedule
January 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
BAH!
I knew I shouldn't have read this!
I said to myself "It only has one chapter... if you like it, you'll just be frustrated and upset that there isn't more. Just wait a few weeks until there's more chapters." I said, "Just wait!"
But noooo I had to go read it anyway!
And guess what happened?
I'm frustrated and upset that there isn't more!
So write more, you!
And may I humbly suggest that you make your chapters just a little longer? A few short ones are fine, but if you make them v. short all the time your audience will become inpacifiable! (if that's even a word)
Did you really mean servant when referring to the man who brought Hermione her food? Generally a servant is lower than the person they are serving... It's not a big deal, but it just popped out at me as strange.
Although I did think he was very creepy and well written. I especially liked the "drooling over legs" line... it made me shiver!
Also, you might want to be careful with how much you use ellipses. I know they are very lovely things to tippy-tap on the keyboard, and that they make your sentences sound more like speech... but if you use them too much they lose their specialness and get sort of obnoxious. I have this problem in my own writing; I have to make a conscious effort not to overuse them.
Here's a tip: Occasionally you can use a semicolon in place of an ellipsis (but not always).
Anyway! I'm very intrigued by the premise of your story, and I hope you update soon. Are you going to talk about how Hermione got into this situation in more detail? What about everyone else? Where are they? Are they pets? Are they trying to help Hermione? Hmmmm? ;)
I hope your lemons are good (purely because I want to read some sexy Snape Master-type lemons, unless of course he wants HERMIONE to be the master... that'd certainly be "unforeseen" and an interesting twist I suppose... You didn't specify Male or Female dom after all)
A good lemon can make or break the story I think.
Anyway, Good luck writing more!
I'll probably review again!
I knew I shouldn't have read this!
I said to myself "It only has one chapter... if you like it, you'll just be frustrated and upset that there isn't more. Just wait a few weeks until there's more chapters." I said, "Just wait!"
But noooo I had to go read it anyway!
And guess what happened?
I'm frustrated and upset that there isn't more!
So write more, you!
And may I humbly suggest that you make your chapters just a little longer? A few short ones are fine, but if you make them v. short all the time your audience will become inpacifiable! (if that's even a word)
Did you really mean servant when referring to the man who brought Hermione her food? Generally a servant is lower than the person they are serving... It's not a big deal, but it just popped out at me as strange.
Although I did think he was very creepy and well written. I especially liked the "drooling over legs" line... it made me shiver!
Also, you might want to be careful with how much you use ellipses. I know they are very lovely things to tippy-tap on the keyboard, and that they make your sentences sound more like speech... but if you use them too much they lose their specialness and get sort of obnoxious. I have this problem in my own writing; I have to make a conscious effort not to overuse them.
Here's a tip: Occasionally you can use a semicolon in place of an ellipsis (but not always).
Anyway! I'm very intrigued by the premise of your story, and I hope you update soon. Are you going to talk about how Hermione got into this situation in more detail? What about everyone else? Where are they? Are they pets? Are they trying to help Hermione? Hmmmm? ;)
I hope your lemons are good (purely because I want to read some sexy Snape Master-type lemons, unless of course he wants HERMIONE to be the master... that'd certainly be "unforeseen" and an interesting twist I suppose... You didn't specify Male or Female dom after all)
A good lemon can make or break the story I think.
Anyway, Good luck writing more!
I'll probably review again!
schedule
January 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
good start so far but for the future stories its crucio not crutio. can't wait to read your next chapters i just looove an evil? snape. :)