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December 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oh my. That's one drastic change!
Looking forward to more!
Looking forward to more!
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December 8, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Still enjoying your story and its interesting twist. I like your description of Harry and can hardly wait to see how much more there is to him. And the snake... that snake seems incredibly intelligent...
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December 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i love this story and the interaction between krai and harry ive never really read any stories with this much familiar insight and talking... i love it plez wright more soon!!!!
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December 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Manny the house elf is absolutely unnatural. She sound plain rough, and if I was her master I would punish her for daring ordering me about. Harry is her master, and more than that, he is an owner of Manor. She just can't order him, or forbid him access to some rooms (I mean kitchen and Ladies solar), after all, if it's his house, he can decide, if he wants to leave the rooms as they are now, or if he wants them relocated and remade. Maybe, he wants kitchen to relocate and Ladies solar ruined? It's his right, as Lord of Manor.
I also wonder how she can just inform Harry about her decisions and not ask whether he mind. I mean, she say she will "my daughter to master Remus with an order for some pre-made potions from the apothecary in Hogsmeade" but she doesn't ask, if it's ok with her master. What if he doesn't want Remus to know where he is? What if he doesn't trust Remus? Manny for now doesn't know almost anything about her master with exception of common knowledge. Maybe she must add in the end of her speech" if master don't mind?" Because she doesn't sound anything like house-elf. More like human servant, not so good-trained and tactful thus.
I have noticed, when you write person speeches, it's always long, loaded, complex sentences. I think you should think about making different person to sound different also. For now, your humans, goblins and house-elfs speaks very alike. Maybe, more short sentences, wrong verbs, superfluous words or something for making difference between persons and species?
Why Manny calls Harry "Young Master" in one point? I thought, it's a name for the Lord's heir, when a Lord still alive and rules. But Harry is one Master of his Manor, and is in his Lord's rights. He must be called "Master". Maybe she calls him this, because he still didn't have his transition? Or maybe she just remembers and loves her old master James and is used to call Harry, as "Young Master"?
Err... "He slid into the water great fully " - should there be "gratefully"?
Oh, I'm SOOOO intrigued, that changes Harry will go through and what creature blood he will possess! I hope, he will not freak out a lot. More! :)
Heh. Look at numbering so more? After "Chapter 3: Familiar" now goes "Chapter 5: Intermission" and after that "Chapter 5: Potter Manor".
I also wonder how she can just inform Harry about her decisions and not ask whether he mind. I mean, she say she will "my daughter to master Remus with an order for some pre-made potions from the apothecary in Hogsmeade" but she doesn't ask, if it's ok with her master. What if he doesn't want Remus to know where he is? What if he doesn't trust Remus? Manny for now doesn't know almost anything about her master with exception of common knowledge. Maybe she must add in the end of her speech" if master don't mind?" Because she doesn't sound anything like house-elf. More like human servant, not so good-trained and tactful thus.
I have noticed, when you write person speeches, it's always long, loaded, complex sentences. I think you should think about making different person to sound different also. For now, your humans, goblins and house-elfs speaks very alike. Maybe, more short sentences, wrong verbs, superfluous words or something for making difference between persons and species?
Why Manny calls Harry "Young Master" in one point? I thought, it's a name for the Lord's heir, when a Lord still alive and rules. But Harry is one Master of his Manor, and is in his Lord's rights. He must be called "Master". Maybe she calls him this, because he still didn't have his transition? Or maybe she just remembers and loves her old master James and is used to call Harry, as "Young Master"?
Err... "He slid into the water great fully " - should there be "gratefully"?
Oh, I'm SOOOO intrigued, that changes Harry will go through and what creature blood he will possess! I hope, he will not freak out a lot. More! :)
Heh. Look at numbering so more? After "Chapter 3: Familiar" now goes "Chapter 5: Intermission" and after that "Chapter 5: Potter Manor".
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December 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
What creature blood? Oh I've gotta have chapter 7!
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December 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Really interesting and promising setup. I can't wait to see where you go with this one...
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December 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story.
However, I was kind of disappointed that Manny didn't talk like a house elf at all. That made it rather hard to imagine her as a house elf - she sounded just like another witch would have sounded.
Don't let that keep you from updating though ;-) I'm really looking forward to reading more - hopefully soon *g*
However, I was kind of disappointed that Manny didn't talk like a house elf at all. That made it rather hard to imagine her as a house elf - she sounded just like another witch would have sounded.
Don't let that keep you from updating though ;-) I'm really looking forward to reading more - hopefully soon *g*
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December 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I love this story more and more as you keep on updating! Update soon!
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December 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OMG I love ur story it is wonderful. I don't usally review stories but I want to tell u ur story is good plz update soon. Ja nee
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November 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I have noticed that here was some misplaced numbers of chapters in your story. After chapter two "Knockturn Alley" at once followes Chapter 4: "Familiar", There isn't any chapter three. Was is missed or it's just mistake with numbering?