rate_review Reviews

Ooooo, a cliff hanger. Damn! I must congratulate you on an excellent first fic. So many good things going on! Lucius is very in character, for which I am SO very grateful. The little spats between him and Severus in this chapter are just priceless! Couldn't stop myself from bursting out laughting. Also, I love your portrayal of Hermione in the after math of Lucius' brutal rape; It feels very real and sincere. The only thing that I think would make your story better is a beta. There are just a few little mistakes here and there (I hate leaving corrections in reviews, so just email me for them), but I think it could really make a difference. Wow, long review. Last thing I want to say is I am totally addicted to your story. I just discovered it last night (finished it today) and only stopped reading when I finally had to go to bed. Keep up the awesome work!

P.S. Pisky = Greatest house elf name EVER!!! XD

that is just so mean! well i do hope that you have an update in store for us soon!

Bad Lucius is sooo enjoyable.

man that is he going to do to her now ..please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please update soon i would love to read more

angel

Oh, good... well, blush again, hon! *lol*
Where to start? First, I absolutely LOVE the gentle squabbling between Severus and Lucius. It's just... realistic and very hilarious. Second, finally someone created the word "un-snapish" - let me worship you! ;) And third, the rest of this chapter was simply fantastic. You have a wonderful way to express things, plus you show all those characters as if they were real. I'm rapt, to say the least. Please continue or I shall have to punish YOU (and I won't let Lucius do it)! ;P

Hey, great post, love the way you pitted Snape and Malfoy together. Love both of these guys. Please post again soon. Thanks.

I'm enjoying this story and this form of Lucius. He's very evil and arrogant. I like how Snape goads him and Lucius lets the Potions Master do it, even though it makes Lucius livid. That speaks for a tiny bit of humanity left in Lucius that perhaps Hermione can tap into, given time. If he doesn't completely break her first.


If you want some writing feedback as opposed to reading feedback, this web site is great for writers. It provides an easy test for commonly misused words: http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/
For other feedback:
--For Chapter Six check out the words Brake/Break and Loose/Lose
--"Nowhere" is one word (you may have accidentally hit the space bar)
--"...where Lucius Malfoy had took her..." should be had TAKEN her

AND - There is a difference between British and American spelling of several common words, both are acceptable here, as this is an international site (as opposed to, say, a college term paper with a persnickety professor). 8-)
Br. defence Am. defense
Br. favourite Am. favorite
Br. realise Am. realize
Br. organisation Am. organization
Here's a fun web site for comparing the two versions: http://www.peak.org/~jeremy/dictionary/about/about.php

Your story is addicting. I hope you'll update soon.

Cheers!

Oh God... what will the punishment be??
my darling.. i think this is a very good chapter!!!
i liked it... yes, I did, at all.... those two are amusing when talking together... Lucius and Snape...
oh, and I liked a lot when Snape says "She's been raped for Christ's sake"...[shivering]...
well done, my love

Ahhh Evil Cliffie man!!! Lucius and Severus are something else. and now we have Draco into the mix. Ohh d ear. Poor Hermione so close but yet so far away from escape. I wonder what Harry and Ron and the Order are doing now? If they are planning? I love it though that Hermione got the drop on Draco again lol!! wtg Hermione. I wonder what her punishment is? more more more pleae. Please ohh please upate soon. and I understood completely what u meant when Snape was cleaning her up. Ur body acts on instinct. u feel warmth after being so cold u draw near to it and so on and so forth. Good job. Keep it up.

Wonderful chapter. I wonder what her punishment will be and how Draco will take the news that shes allowed to go freely about the manor and he can't do anything to hurt her or stop her.