schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
that was... uh... lets just say i'm gonna go get my boyfriend.
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I never mind a PWP smut fic, that's not the problem. Neither is their OOCness.
"...her clit tingled and salivated..." (Her clit salivated?)
"...tasting the bit of vanilla cream that had formed there." (What guy is going to taste like vanilla cream?)
"...she shimmied up and down his pole." (Ouch!)
"..Harry's quivering, pulsating member releasing a truckload of cum into her hungry twat?" (HAHAHA!)
Yup, this is porn alright. Very bad porn.
Too bad, because I think you could actually be a very good writer if you weren't trying so hard with the silly euphemisms and outlandish imagery. It's way, way over the top in this fic.
Could have been very sexy. But it's just inadvertently humorous and gross.
I hope you try again.
P.S. This is meant to be CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
"...her clit tingled and salivated..." (Her clit salivated?)
"...tasting the bit of vanilla cream that had formed there." (What guy is going to taste like vanilla cream?)
"...she shimmied up and down his pole." (Ouch!)
"..Harry's quivering, pulsating member releasing a truckload of cum into her hungry twat?" (HAHAHA!)
Yup, this is porn alright. Very bad porn.
Too bad, because I think you could actually be a very good writer if you weren't trying so hard with the silly euphemisms and outlandish imagery. It's way, way over the top in this fic.
Could have been very sexy. But it's just inadvertently humorous and gross.
I hope you try again.
P.S. This is meant to be CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I liked it.. good porn hahahaha...... but you put THE END .... you're not going to continue?
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I relly liked it, it was a perfect PWP, very nice done!!! ;)
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
well personaly i liked it, it was a perfectly great short story
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
nice fic, actually! i loved it, please write some more, maybe harry/ginny/hermione if you like threesomes... ;)
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oooooo dammm tats a good story lmao it kiks everyother bs pg-13 crap out on this website lol i hope u continue this miniporn. liked i alot haha.for example they go back to hogwart and every girl noticed harry haha
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
ROTFL!!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!! Tell that bloody bastard!! :P I personally LOVED this smutty rendition of Harry/Hermione. YAY for SMUTTY SMUT SMUT SMUT!! (and for quivering members!!! GO HARRY!!!)
*HUG*
*HUG*
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Don't let the nay sayers bother you. If they want professional writing they should get off a fanfiction site and pay for their 'high quality' porn. I enjoyed your story and look forward to more of your work as long as it isn't slash. I can't stand slash. Good luck with your next writing project and don't worry about the disbelievers.
schedule
November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
any chance of another chapter? becasue that was some of the hottest sex I have ever read for Harry Hermione fic on tis sight.