rate_review Reviews

I would love to see this turned into a full fledged story...please

wow, this is a new twist for you,,,and i approve,,it can only get better..please, by all mean,,write away....and Hermione in a threesomes with Snap can only be ooh la la..lol..good to see your back writing again...keep up the good works..

i like the idea of hermione being the 'gray lady' - the feminine fusion of voldemort and dumbledore, of dark and light - and being the source of real power in the wizarding world. hermione always plays second (or even 3rd) fiddle, and this one-shot has her set up to be the major power in her generation. id love to see a full-blown story based on this premise, and yours are always entertaining and very satisfying. my only criticism is that, if you chose to do a full story, the first chapter should be reworked to give a broader starting scope. hermione's storming of the DEs seemed rushed and fragmented, with half at the beginning and half told thru severus, in reverse order. it is a good technique for a one-shot, but for novel-length, as a reader i like a first chapter that sets up the characters' relationships with one another and presents the source of drama in a way that i can build on thru-out the story. this is a little too disjointed to get a good enough handle on. also, i felt that voldemorts demise, being so sudden, unexpected, and the basis of hermione's interactions with the DEs, Severus, and Draco for the rest of the story, could use more description and detail. its our first introduction to the powerful hermione, and you want to knock our socks off and our jaws to hit the ground, desk, or nearest object. even tho she is doing incredibly difficult things requiring great power and control, it comes off as a little blase. as a one-shot, its excellent, but should you decided to go novel, i think some more adjectives and adverbs are in order. i hope my criticism was helpful, and pleasepleaseplease expand this! i really want to see where you take it!!!!!

Hi ChaosProphet: I'm glad the storyline grabbed you and appreciate your suggestions. Usually when I expand a one-shot, I address the particulars in the coming chapters, expanding on exactly what happened most likely in this case with a small trip back in history as to what Hermione did after Harry and Ron's death, rather than reworking the first chapter which captured the reader's imagination in the first place. I don't think I could possibly address everything that needs addressing in the first chapter. The different points of view which are a combo of third person and Severus' outlook can be embellished in future chapters. The setting up of relationships work well when they are plotted. Unfortunately, I have no plot and move from one moment in the story to the next as it comes to me, so everything is pretty much up in the air, though I have an idea how to cement Severus' role in all this. I work with a basic premise when I write, especially concerning one shots. KISS or keep it simple, stupid in the first chapter, putting out the first "hook" as it were, then I flesh it out...we discover what is happening or what had happened in the following chapters, then the story grows from there. Thank you so much for your in-depth review and suggestions. Be assure I will take much of it into consideration when I continue this piece. ****

Hi, I liked the storyline for DarkLady very much.
I've read about half of your stories on AFF now and am impressed with both the volume and the quality of it. Now that I read more of you it becomes kind of interesting as well to see the differences in the different Snapes and Hermiones you write.
For personal taste, I normally don

(Dark Lady review)
As long as she ends up with Severus as, I don't know her chosen dark lord perhaps, then i don't care if you have her fuck an entire football club including the supporters! In fact I would love to read about that...lol
if you make this a full long story i will bow down to you.
cheers
KarlaMarie
*theladysnape*

Im hoping you started that story because Im going through all your stories right now. I think you are a fabulous writer and make the characters actually believeable.

yes yes yes a resounding tribulant yes! write it into a full length fic, lemme have lucius goodies! lemme have draco goodies... I love those two.. almost as much as i love sev. :D

:D I say go for it...It would definitely be fun to see where you take this story...and see a bit more background on how Hermione reached her current state..

please continue