schedule
October 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
aww that was great i love mione wake up call .. im glad draco is there fro her and i just wonder who is that father of mione twins ... please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please update soon i would love to read more ... later for now
angel
angel
schedule
October 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey
This story has potiental but the way it is written sort of makes it hard to read.
There are some names and words not captialized in other places where they are. Example, Hermione's name being captilized, example hermione and her mother screamed simultaniously as John Granger hit the floor dead. Hermione held her mother back from running to him.
You don't seperate the talking from the rest of the story. "Mum it's too late he's gone." Her mother collapsed crying. Five death eaters flooded into the room with wicked grins on their faces.
It should be
"Mum it's too late he's gone."
Her mother collapsed crying. Five death eaters flooded into the room with wicked grins on their faces.
I think you would benifit from a beta reader. Once someone goes in and takes care of your mistakes in spelling and things, a lot more people would read and review.
Also.. You might want to place a disclaimer at the first chapter of your story. In all six chapters it isn't written once and AFF has been cracking down on the stories.
This isn't a flame, just some advice from one author to the next. Good luck in the future and if you want to respond or have questions, Email me.
This story has potiental but the way it is written sort of makes it hard to read.
There are some names and words not captialized in other places where they are. Example, Hermione's name being captilized, example hermione and her mother screamed simultaniously as John Granger hit the floor dead. Hermione held her mother back from running to him.
You don't seperate the talking from the rest of the story. "Mum it's too late he's gone." Her mother collapsed crying. Five death eaters flooded into the room with wicked grins on their faces.
It should be
"Mum it's too late he's gone."
Her mother collapsed crying. Five death eaters flooded into the room with wicked grins on their faces.
I think you would benifit from a beta reader. Once someone goes in and takes care of your mistakes in spelling and things, a lot more people would read and review.
Also.. You might want to place a disclaimer at the first chapter of your story. In all six chapters it isn't written once and AFF has been cracking down on the stories.
This isn't a flame, just some advice from one author to the next. Good luck in the future and if you want to respond or have questions, Email me.
schedule
October 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Brilliant, who will the baby look like? Please let it be Draco. Awesome story!!! Please update soon.
schedule
October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
wow she is a morphi cool .. and she has to give him point that he is trying to make sure she is ok and that she does not work her self to the bone ... please please please please please please please please please please please please update soon i would love to read more ... later for now
angel
angel
schedule
October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That is a good beginning, at least we know where Draco was... I can't wait to see how this story pans out.
schedule
October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Please update im anxious to see what happens next
schedule
October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
You have got to keep posting this story,it's too good to leave it at one chapter.I already love it and it's just getting started,. I hope to read more soon!
schedule
October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
glad to see reviews. I don't know of any other way to see what they say than to write a review myself
schedule
October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
~sniff sniff~ poor mione ... please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please update soon i would love to read more ... later for now
angel
angel