rate_review Reviews

I've just started getting into Severus/Hermione. (I'm a draco/hermione OTP at heart) and found this fic. I've read it just now from beginning upto where you've written it and I'm completly enthralled with this fic. I'm loving thier relationship and I'm very intrigued where this is going.

Keep up the good work and I'll be keeping an eye out for you next update!
Lexy

that was was great i love it and how tibby told mione about mother hood .. i lvoe it ..please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please udpate soon i would love to read more .. later for now

angel

well i finally caught up with all the chapters, and i love this story! one thing though please try not to skip a lot with chapters and i love long, long, long stories! can't wait to read the next chapter!

Ah a twisted Severus.

Dun dun duun. Foreshadowing etc. :p Spheres of light. I feel like I should do that in a story of mine. MaybeI will.

Well. This marriage is going to be.. different.

Thank goodness it was slightly awkward between the two. Actually I now want to write an awkward sex scene.
Darn you and giving me ideas. *shakes fist*

Ok, i like *some* points of your story, (or i wouldn't take the time to review like this. Please treat this as hints to better your writing)

BUT (a very, very, very big but...)
you tend to write the same bullshit claptrap as that ms_figg dude.


Get a BETA!
Get a BRITPICKER! (i would not dream of uploading my stories without them, especially b/c i'm not english)
Your story NEEDS a rape warning. Even if it isn't HG he's raping - which i do not have a problem with, pair of as you like - it still is rape.

And please, please, please, please, PLEASE (i'm beginning to sound like that angel who apparantly can't review and write normally, jeez) READ THE BOOKS!

Your Snape is ooc, but i can see why you would hold a view for a Dom Snape.
But you are grossly mistaken if you think Hermione would (innitially?) react like that. She is bossy, she hates being called 'Mione (do you WANT to be attacked by canaries?) and it is plain that you are abusing her, just because she is one of the minority of female caracters in the books. If you just want to write D/s and such, please refrain from abusing JKR's work we all know and love and post on alt.com. If you DO like the HGSS-ship because of their caracters etc. you need to stay more IC. Work longer on chapters, especially dialogue, there is more to a story than smut. Use the HP-lexicon, use half-bloodprince.org. Use build up, it's great forplay. ;-)

I hope these were some helpful points and that you will care more about the quality of your work than the quantity.

well at leas he told her what he want from her ... and the baby talk is going to be something els .... please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please update soon i would love to read more .. later for now

angel

Random kidnapping. Oops.