rate_review Reviews

Your grammar is awfull but I don't care, your story is great! I like how Harry is getting more independent, but trusts Sev still. And I'm really happy about his friendship with Draco. Please continue soon!

I like your story so far, I do. I do agree that you need a beta, but I think that's pretty standard for most authors. I think especially being that english isn't your first language. I noticed in the later chapters that you used the word 'had' a lot, a bit too much. I'm just not sure if this was something that just started or if I just didn't notice it until later. But other than that I didn't really notice any major spelling/grammar problems. So basically your doing good for yourself, but a beta wouldn't hurt. Wow, so much writing just to say something simple. Sorry, I tend to get a bit long-winded.

On to the storyline more, I wish you'd addressed the abuse a bit more. In the context of your story and the way your writing it it's really not necessary, but personally I would have liked to see more of the reactions to finding out that Harry had been raped/molested/sexually abused. So many ways to say it but I'm not sure which would be the most appropriate. Also I would love to see something happen to his uncle (and aunt if she was involved) and maybe Harry's "customers". Even if they don't report it to the authorities (magical or otherwise) and have Vernon arrested and tried, it would be nice to see something bad happen to the sick perverted bastard. Anyways that's all, I liked it so far and I can't wait for your next update.

Another excellent chapter. If you want Sirius to be more in canon then he should probably flip out a bit when he hears about it, but then I think you should make him understand the situation and be supportive (there aren't a lot of fics out there like that). But it's your fic, so you make the decisions, lol. Keep up the great work!!!

I like your story so far, but this chapter had some inconsistencies. Severus can't know that Sirius is an animagus, least of all a dog, since nobody knew except the marauders, not even Dumbledore. Also, why doesn't he tell Harry they are afraid Black is after him? He tells him everything else.
Then, I think you need a beta for your spelling and grammar. I know you want a beta with real life knowledge of BDSM, but first things first.
At last, in my opinion you should delete the "this is no copy" disclaimer in your summary. Since it is very easy to see that your story is not at all a copy of another, it gives the impression you are either very insecure, or use it as a clever advertising to make people read your story. In the first case, I can only say don't be, your writing is great, even if a beta could improve it. About the latter, well... you have to know yourself if you want people to read your story for itself or because you use another writer as figurehead.

Hmm...I'm a little surprised that Harry didn't have a "run in" with a snake while picking out his "bird". Creative idea there, giving him a parrot lol. Wonder when everyone will find out he speaks parsaltongue? Now that the school year will be starting up, how will Ron treat Harry, seeing as Harry saved his sister's life. Interested to see how you will write up the third year as well. Cant wait for the next update. You're doing an excellent job.

Fwaa!~
I sense DRAMA on the horizon!
Batten the main mast, pull in the sails!
Feed the giant squid!
xD
I'm hyper.
Thanks for the update, I'm glad you focus on both POV's and how the relationship is progressing.
It's a wonderful touch how Sev worries about his preformance.
Excelente.
Update soon?

Your first language wasn't English? Could've fooled me. I think that your English is very well compared to others. I know. Trust me. I have pen pals who are learning English in Malaysia, Denmark, and France. But that is cool that you know another language. Anyways, about your fan fic. I think it's going just swell so far! I can understand that you need ideas. I do too for my fic. Anyways, maybe you can have Harry get into some trouble with Malfoy. Like, say that Malfoy decides to pick a fight with Harry and Snape has to help Harry out. Harry then can trust Snape a little more. I'm not sure. So, tell me, how is it like living in South Africa? Are you looking for a penpal?! What is your first language? Maybe I can help you expand your English!

I'm really liking where you're going with this. If I knew more about these types of relationships, I would help you with anything in a second. Sadly, I don't. ^_^" But I think you're doing an awesome job so far. Keep it up. ^_^

Another excellent chapter. I really love how you are writing this and how some of the same events occur. I truly cannot wait to read the next chapter. Keep up the superb work.

This story is amazing!! I really like the way you presented Severus and Harry's relationship. It is interesting to see how Severus' feeling develop.
Keep up with the great work!!!!!!