AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for Five Senses

by LadyFlame

person The Angel of Writing
schedule September 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Interesting story. I like it. Please continue.
person madnesswithinme
schedule September 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i love it. hmmm, it was scrumptious.
person BirdieBlythe
schedule September 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
yummy yummy yummy!
person anon
schedule September 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
waaayyy cool! update soon! :)
person Briar
schedule September 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
HOTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love you. Virtual slave huh? Kinky. lol. I love it I can't wait for the next one. You are amazing. Snaps and warm fuzzies for you. If you ever need help or anything like that I help all my favorite authors when they have writers block (lol of course by then I consider them friends.) Well I guess I'll see you later.
MSN ~ Kamaguro@hotmail.com
Yahoo ~ Kimothy_the_Sage@yahoo.com

~Briar~
person anngelik
schedule September 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow, I really love your idea of using the five senses very intriging and well, hot. :) Wonderful writing can't wait for the next chapter.
person crookshanks
schedule September 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Very interesting! Great start, can't wait to read more. One thing I would change is some of the spelling errors...sorry, but they detract from the story. Here goes: corrections are in ().
delecate (delicate), contemplaiting (contemplating), tounge (tongue), manacured (manicured), manuvered (maneuvered), cum- cheesy (use come), bellybutton- use navel instead(more refined and more British), peritinium (perineum), instead of underpants (sounds childish)use boxers, briefs or underwear. Does that help?
person Andrea
schedule September 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
You're right, I do love it, can't wait for the next chapters.
person Amessis
schedule September 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well done! Glad there will be more.
person crio
schedule September 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
*stretches, sniff* hmmmmmmm intertesting.. id like to read the rest of the chapters.. Update soon