schedule
August 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Nice start! I must say, this is a rather interesting turn of things. The only thing you might want to consider is the format of your story. When you have a character talking and another one speaking directly afterward, it's easier to read if you write it like this:
"I'm sorry, " he started, making her snort, but she didn't say anything, her arms folded across her chest. He continued, "Honey it was a one time thing, I promise, it'll never happen again."
"It can happen as often as you want, we're through." He tried to cut in, but she kept talking, staring daggers at him. "I'm going home. I will be out within the next three days, and if in that time you show up, you will not like the consequences." At this, she stood up to leave and he got down on his knees.
"Hermione, honey, we can get through this, I can make it better, I -"
"I don't care for beggars," she said coldly, interrupting him.
Not in italics, per se, but with the space between them. Aside from that, this is a wonderful idea so far and I look forward to reading more as you post!!!
"I'm sorry, " he started, making her snort, but she didn't say anything, her arms folded across her chest. He continued, "Honey it was a one time thing, I promise, it'll never happen again."
"It can happen as often as you want, we're through." He tried to cut in, but she kept talking, staring daggers at him. "I'm going home. I will be out within the next three days, and if in that time you show up, you will not like the consequences." At this, she stood up to leave and he got down on his knees.
"Hermione, honey, we can get through this, I can make it better, I -"
"I don't care for beggars," she said coldly, interrupting him.
Not in italics, per se, but with the space between them. Aside from that, this is a wonderful idea so far and I look forward to reading more as you post!!!