rate_review Reviews

Are you ever going to update this story? I for one am curious to see where it's going and would love to read nore so please update.

this isn't a flame. I really like the plot. Not everyone has perfect grammer and not everyone is an english major but so what keep ur head up and don't listen to everyone. some people are tallented but they have problems complicating it but they try keep ur head up and update soon
with the best wishes
Lizzy

this chapter was a lot better, i can definitely see you taking the constructive criticism well. anyhow, keep developing this story and watch out for your run-on sentences, but overall, getting better. don't worry, it's your first fic and you can only learn more as you go.

You know what, Laura? It doesn't matter two hoots what some of us think about your story...there are people out there who are enjoying it and you should continue writing for them! We all have different taste in fanfic and you are obviously enjoyed by those who like yours. Go for it! I don't know if I'll continue reading but you have enough others who will. See if there is someone out there to help with the grammar or actually more the spelling of some words. Enjoy and have fun!

Honey I'm sure you've tried hard, but this is not promising at all. Maybe you should lay off fanfic writing for a while and concentrate on reading some more! Best wishes, Kate

awww, i thought he was gonna help her...disappointment, but i think hermione should bust out some wandless magic, because i picture hermione as a much fiercer character and not so easily taken advantage of, possibly a wandless penis-shrinker? hehehe

this is okay...there are a lot of grammar problems (esentuate is not a word) I think you meant accentuate. You may want to invest in a beta. Also, this is majorly cliche and this is not "life like" at all as you so eloquently put it in your "a/n" Hermione would absolutely never decide to just want attention from boys. you are making all of the characters completely o/c. i think you should rethink your characterization and maybe make a few changes. Also, these characters are set in England, not Brooklyn. "Did you get any this summer?" I am pretty damned sure they don't say that. MY honest opinion is that this could be good, but you also have to realize that this is a different time period that they are living in. Tank tops with jeans tucked inside of boots was not in fashion in the timeframe the books are set in. Also, cherry colored lips?
With her pale complexion and hair that would look positively awful. Rethink your ideas, redo your characters, and start betaing your story and it has a possibilty of a good story. Thats my honest opinion, and I'm sure you're the type of person who will rant and rave about the "evil reviewer" who doesn't like your story but it's honestly not well written. Most people over the age of 18 can see that.

I think this is a story for the much younger crowd. It's a little too typical for my liking and forgive me, but a little too lightweight. You may wish to check out a beta to help you clean up your grammatical errors and help the flow of your story. You show the ability to convey your ideas across in a very interesting way but the other things detract from it. I hope you keep trying.

Ok, its a bit redundant "oh hermionie how you have changed" Quit TELLING us how she has changed and SHOW us through the things she is doing. Its really dull, its quite a bit like telling someone how cool a character is and not showing any of the neat stuff they are doing, i mean haivng her go to the bathroom and come out with her make up fixed five times does not show us how she has changed either...you have to show it htrough her attitude towards the other characters.

Love it