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July 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Not bad for a start. You need a beta-reader though. The story itself isn't bad but I think you aren't obsessive enough with Harry Potter,
and as such your story can seem a bit unreal. And with your immaginary character this feeling becomes stronger.
I suggest you to write some one-shot stories with NO immaginary characters in it, and after that we shall see...
check this out: http://www.subreality.com/marysue/explain.htm
Remember Mry Sue? You missunderstood it.
I think your story is too much close to that.
Nice job however
and as such your story can seem a bit unreal. And with your immaginary character this feeling becomes stronger.
I suggest you to write some one-shot stories with NO immaginary characters in it, and after that we shall see...
check this out: http://www.subreality.com/marysue/explain.htm
Remember Mry Sue? You missunderstood it.
I think your story is too much close to that.
Nice job however