rate_review Reviews

You spend way too much time on details; this would normally be a boon for a story on AFF.n, but combined with the glacial pacing it just becomes frustrating and uninteresting. I was engaged by the first third of the first chapter, but then you hit the brakes on the movement of the story and spent thousands of words on hundreds of words worth of action. I understand that you want to build tension, but the story has no sense of dynamics because its trajectory never leaves first gear. A true poet says in a few words what a philistine says in a novel.

Also, considering you spend such a long time building to them, your sex scenes are brief and fairly nondescript. At one point, I noticed that you were deliberately (or at least it seemed deliberate) staying away from talking about erections and hard nipples and taut, hot flesh...You kept obliquely referencing the trio's arousal and lust without actually stating them outright; I enjoyed it, because I thought you were prepping for a contrast during the actual moments of intercourse. Needless to say, you never really stepped it up. Considering chapter one contains making out, strip-teases, finger-banging, oral sex, orgasms, ejaculations, both hetero and homosexual encounters, and a threesome of all things, it's shockingly chaste. You've gotta get into the grimy, sweaty, dirty side of sex if you ever want us to buy the passion between Ron, Harry, Hermione, and everyone else.

In the future, try not to waste our time with meaningless detail. We know who the characters are, we are familiar with where they live, we know their pasts and futures. Give us a time of day, a location, characters, and then GET GOING, or else you'll lose plenty of readers (like myself) before chapter one is finished.

I wrote the above review, hit me up on my e-mail if you want to talk further.

Jesus Christ...

TheImpossibleMan at AOL dot com

I wished you continued this story...

Please continue this story!

MMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE,please.

It is wonderfull this story !! I just can't wait for the next paragraph. When wil you write it??

And I hope Harry, Ron and Hermione will get to sleep together one last time at least. If don't.. then Im forward to reading the rest aswell ^^

@3 Hot story hope you update soon

*DB*

Oh, you simply MUST keep going! This is delicious. LOVED the first night, with the three of them. Hoping for more of that! Brilliant, brilliant work!

Wow, this is quite interesting. I hope they figure something out, because their friendship is still very important and what they're doing is very risky. But I love your writing style and I hope you post the next chapter soon. Your writing style is very nice and very intriguing.