schedule
February 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Love it. =)
schedule
December 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
First attempt, eh? It didn't seem like it to me. Maybe you're just a natural. :D I remember my first fanfic *shudders* You made Sirius/Harry rather arousing. :)
schedule
November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This doesn't belong in the Harry/OMC category.
The 'O' in OMC stands for 'ORIGINAL'. Do ya wanna tell me YOU created Sirius? I think not.
Put it in the male/male or whatever. It gives people false hopes of reading a Harry/OMC fic.
The 'O' in OMC stands for 'ORIGINAL'. Do ya wanna tell me YOU created Sirius? I think not.
Put it in the male/male or whatever. It gives people false hopes of reading a Harry/OMC fic.
schedule
September 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I loved this! I think you did an awesome job. I haven't read many stories where Harry is in charge, and I must say I absoutly love it. I love Harry/Sirius stories, they are so hot together! This was just so sexy. You rock my socks. The Slave gives this two thumbs up.
-Slave
-Slave
schedule
July 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
love it
schedule
July 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Thanks for your comment, it's nice that it was constructive as well as positive. I think I'll sit down and revise as you've advised, hopefully I can improve it. i hate badly written fic and really don't want to add to it
schedule
July 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is quite a lovely fic, and as a first one it's very convincing. One thing that you could've done better right off the bat would've been to properly spell the title, summary and introduction inside the chapter. Capitalization is your friend and this pretty much determines what type of people will read and review this story. Fangirls with their "OMG, writ moore" comments won't be hindered by no matter how bad the grammar/spelling is, but if you want the more mature type of reader to take notice, you should make sure you present your story accordingly. ;)
As far as the story itself goes, I rather liked it. First person's point of view is surprisingly difficult to write well, and your writing style is lovely. It definitely has a poetic touch to it and works well to describe some wonderful imagery. The story as a very seductive and undeniably erotic ambience to it and I love how you've explored the dynamics of the pair's relationship, making Harry the dominant one.
One thing which could possibly have been done better was Harry's dirty talk. It's very exciting and naughty, something I think you were aiming for, but it doesn't quite work as such a long speech. The affect might've been stronger if you had delivered it at a touch slower pace, giving it more momentum, and described Sirius's reaction to such a strong stimulus a bit better. Also your description of the rimming seemed a touch shy when compared to the previous actions. It would've worked better if you had given some details on Harry's side to it, since he probably liked it quite a lot.
This was a nice fic and I hope I'll get to read more from you.
As far as the story itself goes, I rather liked it. First person's point of view is surprisingly difficult to write well, and your writing style is lovely. It definitely has a poetic touch to it and works well to describe some wonderful imagery. The story as a very seductive and undeniably erotic ambience to it and I love how you've explored the dynamics of the pair's relationship, making Harry the dominant one.
One thing which could possibly have been done better was Harry's dirty talk. It's very exciting and naughty, something I think you were aiming for, but it doesn't quite work as such a long speech. The affect might've been stronger if you had delivered it at a touch slower pace, giving it more momentum, and described Sirius's reaction to such a strong stimulus a bit better. Also your description of the rimming seemed a touch shy when compared to the previous actions. It would've worked better if you had given some details on Harry's side to it, since he probably liked it quite a lot.
This was a nice fic and I hope I'll get to read more from you.