rate_review Reviews

Gah, all of that angsty stuff at the end makes ME feel all angsty! Perhaps you could make Harry actually enjoy life rather than wallowing in misery for once... it'd make my mood a lot more better! :P

Anyway, I was just wondering if you'd like me to be your beta-reader! I've had a bit of experience in beta-reading, but that was in other fandoms. I think I'm good with fixing grammatical mistakes, as well as spelling, punctuation errors, which would make your stories a lot smoother to read, because I have noticed just a few things that disrupt it (not too much, though :p). Obviously, you don't have to accept (or you could just basically tell me to piss off and leave you alone), but the offer is there anyway.

That was too short and pathetic, but meh.

I like the story so far and am hoping for an update in the near future! :)

P.S. your email account on your profile page no longer works... :hint hint:

It started out with a very original plot and a unique way to portray time travel, but I have to say, it's turning into just an ordinary Severus/Harry hurt and comfort story. You seem to spend a lot of time on the depressing thoughts Harry and Severus have, but it just doesn't move, if that makes sense. Probably not...

What I mean is, while I love angst and Harry and Severus comforting each other I don't want to read chapters upon chapters of their depressing thoughts. It just ends with me getting depressed and thinking about what I have to be depressed about myself and that is never a good thing. And Harry keeps leaving when confronted with a problem. You mentioned in a chapter that he wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. Where is his brave side?

On the other hand -besides getting somewhat depressed- I did enjoy reading it thus far. You've several grammar things that make me go back and read a sentence over and over again so as to understand it, but that's fine. I do remember in one chapter you used 'abusive boy' instead of 'abused boy,' but someone already mentioned that.

I'm sorry. I'm not very good at telling someone the good points to a story, am I? I've been trying for the last couple of paragraphs to tell you the good side to your story, because there definitely is one, but the words seem to just transform into something bad.

Well. Just know that I did like reading it so far and will wait for the rest of it. Despite the negative points I could not help but mentioning, I found enjoyment from this, and that's good, yes?

Update soon.

I love that chapter. Snape talking to himself was a much needed part of the chapter as Harrys dark and depressing thoughts brought tears to my eyes which happen to be rolling down my cheeks at this moment. But hey, a very good chapter please update soon

Where is Sirus in this story? I know its supposed to be centered on Harry and Snape working out their issues but..still..seems like there should atleast be some mention of Sirus. In the beginning of the story You had Vernon make Harry perform a blow job...did that continue through his child hood as well?

A bit confusing in the beginning - Great fic.

I love this you have to write more soon!

I love your story. I love the fact that they hate eachother and yet they felt sorry for the other boy that they turned into. I like the way you portrayed that effects of such abuse in such a serious manner. However, yes you did rush a little and that is a problem. Why? Because Harry still feels like a little boy and the way you wrote him made him feel like a child. So I may have a problam with the upcoming slash pairing unless you pull it off brilliantly. Good story, though you need to work on your plot development.

You know, I THOUGHT that English may not be your native tongue. You're doing an AMAZING job for someone who doesn't speak English as a first language. This was my favorite chapter so far, the plot is starting to develop a little better and you stopped rushing. You can really see how injured they both are and what they are both feeling is common for people in real life who have suffered abuse. I like the interaction between them, very in character especially for Snape. You may want to try to write Harry a little more in-depth so he doesn't feel so cardboard, although we started to get a look at his character in this chapter.

Okay, let's get this over with: Potter on the other hand was shaking like a leave. That should be leaf, not leave. An easy mistake to make.

Good chapter, I have to say I did not see that coming. I like the way you portray Malfoy, very canon and he's a hard character to write in character because he is such a jerk. I also love the way that Snape responded and how his Slytherins reacted to him singling out Malfoy. You are getting much better at this and I love the direction the story is taking and putting it in Harry's point of view really gave us a feel for him and made him grow up a little in the story. I wish you would integrate Ron and Hermione a little more. They really are his friends, Hermione especially, would notice that he was withdrawing from them. I hope my reviews are helpful, I always try to give a little constructive criticism so please don't take it personally. If I didn't like your story, I wouldn't bother.

So sad. So realistic it's shocking.
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