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October 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I love your unique perspective. I think the way you write is very "film noir". I imagine most of your scenes in black and white ranther than in color. Please keep up the great work. Don't let a few critics get you down you can't please everyone.
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October 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey, don't worry about the other ignorant people out
there, your story is one of the best and my
personal favorites. your a fantastic writer and should be
praised for it. you know what you write, how you sought out for it,
and the way you show the character's personalities and thoughts,
are displayed in such a skillful and exceptional way.
I understand how you wanted the story and you did it perfectly.
you leave enough to the imagination,keep up the good work and
i look forward to reading your stories to come. =D
there, your story is one of the best and my
personal favorites. your a fantastic writer and should be
praised for it. you know what you write, how you sought out for it,
and the way you show the character's personalities and thoughts,
are displayed in such a skillful and exceptional way.
I understand how you wanted the story and you did it perfectly.
you leave enough to the imagination,keep up the good work and
i look forward to reading your stories to come. =D
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October 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I've read all 13 chapters and I have a bit of advise. Well, it'll probably be more than a bit anyway. I want to get the first two chapters out of the way because if it hadn't been for the glowing reviews I read for Tainted White then I most surely would have stopped reading around the third chapter. Your first chapter reads very incoherently, am I to assume that Hermione's physical state is suppose to parallel the writing style? If I am then her fever showed brightly through the writing however when the second chapter arrived with a responsive Hermione I can't help but say that it felt like I was reading a telograph. Also, the idea of Draco having human servants when the wizarding world clearly has house evles to fill those shoes is a hard lemon to swallow. Your idea for the story, the plot anyway is exceptional and you have moments of brillance but those moments of brilliance are shattered by some of your grammatical errors (obvious ones too) and the choppy sentences in some areas. Reading Tainted White was like reading an internal monologue on fast forward. Bits and pieces were left out or skipped. What I'm getting at is that your execution of the story was poorly done and needs revision. If you truly do have a Beta working with you they need to do a better job.
Some of the moments that sparkled were Hermione's constant reference to white (although you could have been much more obvious and showed the imagry of lost innocence through having white garments or white furniture). The aspect of Draco finding Hermione's tears beautiful was very emotional, it had an impact on the story that made me, personally, want to continue reading. However having Hermione all of a sudden start to cave, and for almost no reason, for Draco at the fourth chapter was much too soon. The chapters are too short and underdeveloped to have Hermione suddenly feel for Draco. We, the readers, should have seen small things first. For example you could have had Hermione think of Draco in an abstract way while reading, have her think, "Would Draco like this?" and possibly have her dismiss the thought immediately because we know that sudden mood changes don't occur like that. The timing of a story and execution of it are key in writing, please remember that.
Some of the moments that sparkled were Hermione's constant reference to white (although you could have been much more obvious and showed the imagry of lost innocence through having white garments or white furniture). The aspect of Draco finding Hermione's tears beautiful was very emotional, it had an impact on the story that made me, personally, want to continue reading. However having Hermione all of a sudden start to cave, and for almost no reason, for Draco at the fourth chapter was much too soon. The chapters are too short and underdeveloped to have Hermione suddenly feel for Draco. We, the readers, should have seen small things first. For example you could have had Hermione think of Draco in an abstract way while reading, have her think, "Would Draco like this?" and possibly have her dismiss the thought immediately because we know that sudden mood changes don't occur like that. The timing of a story and execution of it are key in writing, please remember that.
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October 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
HOT!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!! This story, I'm happy to say, is in my top 3 for this site. Actually, I only read this story and two others, but this story is SO GOOD!!! I especially like the parts in the story where you
Write
One
Word
And
Then
Another
LovE IT!!!!! Update soon please!!! :)
Write
One
Word
And
Then
Another
LovE IT!!!!! Update soon please!!! :)
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October 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well, of course I simply adore it!!!
"You knew it then....you feel it now." Exquisite line! The entire story in a nutshell, right there. I could literally see him mentally tugging at her...feel her being physically pulled towards him, like an inner tug-of-war; until they both won and she was unable to deny it any longer. For how long had her 'defenses', her 'walls' been cracking, splintering, with panes of glass falling down around her; crashing to the floor? Not anymore...nothing left but Hermione; naked, bare, stripped down with no more excuses. No more rationalizations. No more running.
I simply cannot wait for the next chapter!!!
"You knew it then....you feel it now." Exquisite line! The entire story in a nutshell, right there. I could literally see him mentally tugging at her...feel her being physically pulled towards him, like an inner tug-of-war; until they both won and she was unable to deny it any longer. For how long had her 'defenses', her 'walls' been cracking, splintering, with panes of glass falling down around her; crashing to the floor? Not anymore...nothing left but Hermione; naked, bare, stripped down with no more excuses. No more rationalizations. No more running.
I simply cannot wait for the next chapter!!!
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October 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
g
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October 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I absolutely love this story! i shed some tears reading certain parts. i can feel the emotions between draco and hermione. Please update soon!
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October 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
wow, it's so awesome to the point of giving me goosebumps!!!! can't wait for the next stories!!! =DD
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October 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
sweet god.
you have some amazing metaphors in that piece. The line breaks and broken sentences have a real effect on the story itself as well.
I'm a fan. Love it.
you have some amazing metaphors in that piece. The line breaks and broken sentences have a real effect on the story itself as well.
I'm a fan. Love it.
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September 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this story is honestly just amazing, some parts of it realli get to me, its soo well written wow ur talented