schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I am curious to know what comes next, i have a feeling that its not going to be happy. They are going to try and get him to abort it arent they? if they do i hope Harry doesnt let them, even if they try and force him someone has to stop them.
schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Ahh, this is torture! Thanks for updating, but I still want more! Can\'t wait, please hurry!
schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yay for Severus when he kneed Bill in the groin!! He had that coming to him; he\'s really, really pissing me off and I can\'t till he gets what else is coming to him. I also can\'t wait to see everyone\'s reactions to Harry\'s pregnancy; though I don\'t think very many of them are going to be joyous. Keep up the stupendous work.~Sophia
schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Arg... I hate when you do that. lol... continue with the great storie
schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OMG!!! Dont let him be in too much trouble!!! N UD BETTER UPDATE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! or I\'ll come and find you and poke ou with my candy floss till you do!!!
*Crimson Regret
*Crimson Regret
schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wonderful update. Love the turn things have taken and can\'t wait to see the steps harry will take to get his man back.
schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
\"I think I\'m pregnant.\" Thank you, Harry for finally stating the obvious. Lol. I love the idea of Remus smelling the difference. No, but seriously. How stupid can everyone be?
schedule
May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
you are so evil!!! oh... i thought that thats what it was leaning towards but i wasnt sure... and with ginny being manipulated... that is so sad... i have tears in my eyes now!!! Sniff... i wonder what hes going to do now... i wonder how far Remmy will go to protect his \'cub\' oh i cant wait for that to drop... all hell is going tobreak lose... will harry defete vodie before or after his baby is born... he will keep it right... no miscarriages please i dont think that i would be able to go on with this story if he had a miscarriage!! cant wait for your next up-date!!!
schedule
May 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey, I just wanted to let you know I have been reading this story for the past day, and I like it! So far I\'ve read the ending XD (to see where this was going) and I\'ve then picked up the story from the beginning, and I\'m currently around chapter 25, aka the more interesting ones for the Snarry fans.
I think your writing style isn\'t bad at all, well, let me just say that it\'s not screaming out \'I\'m a 12-year old\', so that\'s good XD. What I did want to comment on is the fact that, eg. when you let Dumbledore speak to Harry, I see you using \'Harry Potter\', and then, \'Harry\', and so on, basically I\'m trying to say you don\'t need to repeat that name 4 to 5 times in a conversation, because they are like the only people in the room so you know that the other person is talking to you. Dumbledore in the books doesn\'t do it, I think, and so this one shouldn\'t either. This is something you can definitely correct/get better in, so I hope this comment was welcome.
Another thing is the usage of comma\'s, as in, there aren\'t that many in your story, and it means that the reader doesn\'t take a pause in a sentence where there should be one. This makes it a bit more confusing for us, and leads to us having to reread your sentence, and it\'s always nice that you don\'t have to make your readers reread like half a story, right? Every time you mention someone\'s name in a sentence, there should be a comma before the name. Where you have to pause in your sentence, there should be one. Readers need breathers, especially in longer sentences, as they don\'t make much sense if you can\'t pause a couple of times in it. I hope you can manage to work a bit on that style, like I said before, your writing is good enough, and it would be nice to see your grammar being like that too! If you\'re not good at that yourself, you might want to consider getting a beta, who will hopefully be good at it XD. I do get that it would mean getting the chapters up is going to slow down, but as the chapters really aren\'t long, it shouldn\'t take long to beta, if you pick someone who isn\'t terribly busy.
I hope you realise this was meant as good, building critisism, if you really want to use that word for what I said. I really think these are points on which you can grow, so there should be no hard feelings whatsoever.
Question/remark on the story itself: I could be terribly wrong about this, which I probably am, as I haven\'t read the more interesting chapters yet, and only the part of Harry\'s belly ache, but I hope Harry doesn\'t miscarry the baby? Harry and Severus deserve some happiness together, and I hope you\'re going to give that to him in this story. Are you planning on doing a \'Harry kills Voldy story\' and \'They lived happily ever after, especially with Bill Weasley nicely out of the way\'? Can\'t wait for this to go that way, quite frankly. Oh heck, I even felt like crying multiple times like emotional!Harry did. Don\'t really know you are making him too emotional/a cry baby in here, but like I said at the beginning of my little remark, is he pregnant? OMG! Can he send a viper after Bill, preferably before the wedding night? I\'d LOVE to read about Harry doing something like that to Bill, especially after Bill kicking him in the nuts, kissing Sev, being ready to marry him etc. Poor Harry\'s heart is breaking, and ours is breaking with it! WE WANT VENGEANCE! Shall it be taken? Me hopes so, the both of us. XD
*Eyes length, and sees she\'s getting caried away again.* Woopsie! I think I saw somewhere that there\'s an update list for this, or something like that? If you want, you may add me to it. Any chance of you posting this on a LiveJournal account, as it probably is *a bit* more stable than AFF, because yesterday, when I started reading parts, the server suddenly went kaboom, and I haven\'t seen that happen with LJ yet... Think about it.
See ya for now, and I hope it\'s see ya soon, preferably with a few nice length chapters, and vengeance for Bill being an ass. Oh yeah, don\'t feel too bad about some people being too lazy to do a review (I must admit I sometimes am too), because maybe a lot of people want to do one at the end? Your hits are nice, really. Just make sure you have every part of the story outlined, so you don\'t forget about things, and maybe having that nice outline will just make you have to/want to write about it? Again, also think about something LJ-like, where you can communicate with your readers, if you like that stuff.
*Feels like she really is just stretching this because she doesn\'t want to go study. - Kicks herself for that.* Uhm, sorry, being forced here, have to go now! Toodles!
Spikey
I think your writing style isn\'t bad at all, well, let me just say that it\'s not screaming out \'I\'m a 12-year old\', so that\'s good XD. What I did want to comment on is the fact that, eg. when you let Dumbledore speak to Harry, I see you using \'Harry Potter\', and then, \'Harry\', and so on, basically I\'m trying to say you don\'t need to repeat that name 4 to 5 times in a conversation, because they are like the only people in the room so you know that the other person is talking to you. Dumbledore in the books doesn\'t do it, I think, and so this one shouldn\'t either. This is something you can definitely correct/get better in, so I hope this comment was welcome.
Another thing is the usage of comma\'s, as in, there aren\'t that many in your story, and it means that the reader doesn\'t take a pause in a sentence where there should be one. This makes it a bit more confusing for us, and leads to us having to reread your sentence, and it\'s always nice that you don\'t have to make your readers reread like half a story, right? Every time you mention someone\'s name in a sentence, there should be a comma before the name. Where you have to pause in your sentence, there should be one. Readers need breathers, especially in longer sentences, as they don\'t make much sense if you can\'t pause a couple of times in it. I hope you can manage to work a bit on that style, like I said before, your writing is good enough, and it would be nice to see your grammar being like that too! If you\'re not good at that yourself, you might want to consider getting a beta, who will hopefully be good at it XD. I do get that it would mean getting the chapters up is going to slow down, but as the chapters really aren\'t long, it shouldn\'t take long to beta, if you pick someone who isn\'t terribly busy.
I hope you realise this was meant as good, building critisism, if you really want to use that word for what I said. I really think these are points on which you can grow, so there should be no hard feelings whatsoever.
Question/remark on the story itself: I could be terribly wrong about this, which I probably am, as I haven\'t read the more interesting chapters yet, and only the part of Harry\'s belly ache, but I hope Harry doesn\'t miscarry the baby? Harry and Severus deserve some happiness together, and I hope you\'re going to give that to him in this story. Are you planning on doing a \'Harry kills Voldy story\' and \'They lived happily ever after, especially with Bill Weasley nicely out of the way\'? Can\'t wait for this to go that way, quite frankly. Oh heck, I even felt like crying multiple times like emotional!Harry did. Don\'t really know you are making him too emotional/a cry baby in here, but like I said at the beginning of my little remark, is he pregnant? OMG! Can he send a viper after Bill, preferably before the wedding night? I\'d LOVE to read about Harry doing something like that to Bill, especially after Bill kicking him in the nuts, kissing Sev, being ready to marry him etc. Poor Harry\'s heart is breaking, and ours is breaking with it! WE WANT VENGEANCE! Shall it be taken? Me hopes so, the both of us. XD
*Eyes length, and sees she\'s getting caried away again.* Woopsie! I think I saw somewhere that there\'s an update list for this, or something like that? If you want, you may add me to it. Any chance of you posting this on a LiveJournal account, as it probably is *a bit* more stable than AFF, because yesterday, when I started reading parts, the server suddenly went kaboom, and I haven\'t seen that happen with LJ yet... Think about it.
See ya for now, and I hope it\'s see ya soon, preferably with a few nice length chapters, and vengeance for Bill being an ass. Oh yeah, don\'t feel too bad about some people being too lazy to do a review (I must admit I sometimes am too), because maybe a lot of people want to do one at the end? Your hits are nice, really. Just make sure you have every part of the story outlined, so you don\'t forget about things, and maybe having that nice outline will just make you have to/want to write about it? Again, also think about something LJ-like, where you can communicate with your readers, if you like that stuff.
*Feels like she really is just stretching this because she doesn\'t want to go study. - Kicks herself for that.* Uhm, sorry, being forced here, have to go now! Toodles!
Spikey
schedule
May 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oh goodness...poor harry! bill weasley..dear dear dear. what will harry do??
and will harry ever find out hes pregnant??
psot more soon,
XxX
and will harry ever find out hes pregnant??
psot more soon,
XxX