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June 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I've been a fan of your work since I've found your work! lol, I love your stories, so please keep writing ^^
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June 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Have to say absolutely fantastic... I have just spent the last day and half reading all the chapters.. and lets just say NO work was done.. hehe tomorrow is going to be a busy day getting done what i didnt so while reading you story =)
Thanks you for sharing you wonderful talent
Thanks you for sharing you wonderful talent
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June 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hello! I'm a big fan of your harry/snape stories. Ive read almost everyone that I could possibly find. You've really kept my summer how shall we say entertaining. I read your story from start to finish in roughly 2 days and I loved it. It was everything I expected and then some of the twists where like whoaa.. what... then I had to reread it. I would like to tell you that this story was great just like the rest of them. Keep it up!
-Bethany
-Bethany
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June 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow. Great fic. Bill seems like of those selfish secondary characters in those kdrama and jdrama who think 'if I just get rid of his love and/or marry him, everything will be fine and he will love me.' ... a clingy ex, except that he's not even an ex. Again great job with the characters. All together entralling.
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June 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I'm only partly thru but I'm glad it's finished! I really have been liking this alot...thanks for taking the time to write.
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June 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Some Critique:
This was a really, uhm, interesting story. Some of the concepts, such as the Friday Boy bit and the final time-shifting bit, were intriguing, but I felt that you could have developed them a lot more and made this so much more involving. Honestly, I got into the fic no trouble at all, and once I was reading, I kept wanting to see where it would go next, so it's definitely got loads of potential.
The fact that there is a lot of potential is what has me writing this review. Normally, I just think "eh, whatever" and move on to whatever else interests me, satisfied that there's others replying. I'm not very good at putting my thoughts into words, and furthermore into words that read the way they sound in my head. Like right now, I'm afraid that you'll see this critique and think I hated the story, when I really liked it! I just think it could be so much better with a bit of cleaning up. I've dabbled in writing myself, so I know how it can be difficult to get right, and it's troublesome to know how to tell something properly, or you want to skip to the interesting bits. My writing professor scolded me because I like to do vignette-type pieces more than plotty ones, because I think it's more fun to write character studies than complete stories.
Anyway! So the things that I think need improvement are:
1) grammar.
This is probably the most jarring problem, and easily fixable. There are probably plenty of people willing to read the chapters and give them a grammar check before you post them. It's not even in the words themselves necessarily (although at one point you had "at 4am in the morning" which is redundant, and you used "elder" a lot but it didn't always make sense), but placements/additions of commas, the proper use of apostrophes, the use of me versus I and so on. Some people just don't have a head for grammar at all - they can speak perfectly fine, but when it comes to writing, can't figure it out in the least. Then there's other people who can deal with it like a second nature. The trick if you're among the former is to get the latter to help you out. Quite often they don't mind.
2) transitions.
The second most jarring thing in your story, which is also fixable, are the transitions. A lot of chapters began and I wasn't sure if they were dream sequences or a different story or what. An example is that chapter where Harry and Ginny just had sex. I didn't know where it fit into the timeline, if it was real, or anything until much later. But it is a good example of jumping forward in time without any clear indicators of what is happening.
Transition is also important when going from one view point to another. It is very tempting to include the thoughts and motives of all the characters, but if you jump around too much, it can look like a screenplay. I prefer to stick to one character's point of view myself, but if you want to include multiple, try to make clear distinctions in who the current POV is through by using only one per paragraph, or several paragraphs, and check that the pronouns and referential nouns aren't ambiguous.
And that's it. Two things. :) I read this story in the space of about three days (except when I was working or doing homework and stuff), and it fit together nicely, except for the transition stuff I mentioned. Lots of times stories written serially don't have very good continuity between the chapters, but it seemed that you paid attention to that sort of thing. And the plot was quite intriguing!
Thanks, Keri
This was a really, uhm, interesting story. Some of the concepts, such as the Friday Boy bit and the final time-shifting bit, were intriguing, but I felt that you could have developed them a lot more and made this so much more involving. Honestly, I got into the fic no trouble at all, and once I was reading, I kept wanting to see where it would go next, so it's definitely got loads of potential.
The fact that there is a lot of potential is what has me writing this review. Normally, I just think "eh, whatever" and move on to whatever else interests me, satisfied that there's others replying. I'm not very good at putting my thoughts into words, and furthermore into words that read the way they sound in my head. Like right now, I'm afraid that you'll see this critique and think I hated the story, when I really liked it! I just think it could be so much better with a bit of cleaning up. I've dabbled in writing myself, so I know how it can be difficult to get right, and it's troublesome to know how to tell something properly, or you want to skip to the interesting bits. My writing professor scolded me because I like to do vignette-type pieces more than plotty ones, because I think it's more fun to write character studies than complete stories.
Anyway! So the things that I think need improvement are:
1) grammar.
This is probably the most jarring problem, and easily fixable. There are probably plenty of people willing to read the chapters and give them a grammar check before you post them. It's not even in the words themselves necessarily (although at one point you had "at 4am in the morning" which is redundant, and you used "elder" a lot but it didn't always make sense), but placements/additions of commas, the proper use of apostrophes, the use of me versus I and so on. Some people just don't have a head for grammar at all - they can speak perfectly fine, but when it comes to writing, can't figure it out in the least. Then there's other people who can deal with it like a second nature. The trick if you're among the former is to get the latter to help you out. Quite often they don't mind.
2) transitions.
The second most jarring thing in your story, which is also fixable, are the transitions. A lot of chapters began and I wasn't sure if they were dream sequences or a different story or what. An example is that chapter where Harry and Ginny just had sex. I didn't know where it fit into the timeline, if it was real, or anything until much later. But it is a good example of jumping forward in time without any clear indicators of what is happening.
Transition is also important when going from one view point to another. It is very tempting to include the thoughts and motives of all the characters, but if you jump around too much, it can look like a screenplay. I prefer to stick to one character's point of view myself, but if you want to include multiple, try to make clear distinctions in who the current POV is through by using only one per paragraph, or several paragraphs, and check that the pronouns and referential nouns aren't ambiguous.
And that's it. Two things. :) I read this story in the space of about three days (except when I was working or doing homework and stuff), and it fit together nicely, except for the transition stuff I mentioned. Lots of times stories written serially don't have very good continuity between the chapters, but it seemed that you paid attention to that sort of thing. And the plot was quite intriguing!
Thanks, Keri
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June 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
awsome story.just love it so much, you have such a talent
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June 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Loved your story! I think i read it a while ago when it first started but haven't seen it since then.
It's brilliant, you kept me entralled for hours from beginning to end...especially at the end parts where emotional is really thicken the plot.
It's brilliant, you kept me entralled for hours from beginning to end...especially at the end parts where emotional is really thicken the plot.
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June 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
loved your story. you have good ideas. thank you for finishing it.
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June 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
...**Sniffle** what? it's done...? but I liked it so much... Great story, really good plot. I enjoyed the entire story...maybe you could do a scene from a couple years in the future to show how little Friday is doing. Your choice. I must say that the plot was really strong, staying throughout the story and you never lost focus on where the piece was going. I wonder, must check other works, do keep writing because I need lot's of writers who write decent and yet most of them are going on hiatus for the summer...pout. Ah but that is life.