rate_review Reviews

I loved that! Can\'t wait for more.

Well, um.... Cancun is in Mexico not New Mexico. NM is a US state that is landlocked... you just can\'t get a cruise ship there!!!! Also, most cruises that go to Hawaii, start on the west coast not the east cost. Some do, but then they\'d have to go through either the Canal or around South America, either way it\'s simply easier to start on the west coast, usually from a city in California!!!

Also, Harry lives in Surry, not London.

The story has a good premise, just a few more details and attention to the details you\'ve got could make this story actually readable!

Well, I have read the first chapter of your story and I thought you might like some comments. I think that the plot you have going for your story is a very good one, I like the fact that someone besides JP is Harry\'s father. Next I would just like to say that I think you need a little bit of work on your writing. I don\'t say this to be mean, because I think you could do very well at writing your story. It\'s just that you jump about a bit without giving the reader any indication of scene or time changes. Also you should try to be discriptive in your writing, don\'t just state what happens, describe it for your reader. If you try that I think it will vastly improve your story and incurage more people to read it.

Good luck!

Firstly, this story has an excellent plot. In the hands of a capable author it could develop into an excellent story, however, you are not a capable author. Your grammar and tenses are atrotious. Your punctuation is very weak and the layout of this story is rather messy. T.W.

I am enjoying this story so far. Based on the sentence and tenses structure, I\'m guessing that you are writing with English as a second language. If that\'s so, I think you\'re doing a good job of it. While the grammer and switch between tenses is a little confusing from time to time, you are still getting the story through. You may want to try Alta Vista\'s \"Babel Fish\" to check some of the more difficult story parts, it\'s fairly decent. Hopefully, you\'ll find it a little easier to deal with as time goes on and your writing style smooth out a little bit.

Looking forward to the next set of chapters.

very good story keep going and post soon
bye bye

Please please keep writing this story it is really good I cannot wait to see what happens and when are you going to update please make it soon and email me when you do.

I dont think it needs to be rebeta but I think people like the idea of the story and think it could be better and thats why they say that. I like the plot but it seems strange 'cause your telling the story and not really showing it? I guess if that makes sence. Its not bad i dont think because i used to write like that too till i got into it and relized how much more sence and enjoyable it is when written so your more picturering rather then reading. Your doing fine though, good luck and keep up the work ^^

I enjoy your story please cont and can you have longer chapters?

i dunno, this chapter seemed to get really lazy. especially when you were just saying the character's name and typing their dialogue.