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schedule
October 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i like it but its sad.
schedule
July 1, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is not a complaint. This is not a flame. This is not me trying to put down your writing in any way. And this is not about your grammer.
I did read the note which said to only continue reading if the fic was appreciated. I realize the fic is being written for the enjoyment of those who like/love it and yourself. I realize that I don't have any right to critisize anyone who makes an effort at maintian a decent story.
With that out of the way I hope that you will take my advice as helpful hints from a fellow author.
My concerns have nothing to do with your grammer because that is something I've learned to deal with while reading fanfiction and while weak grammer erks me I cannot fail to acknowledge that you have put up a steady if not entirely sucessful effort to improve the grammatical aspects of your story.
But reading through your reviews I saw that the grammatical components of your story was not the only thing to recieve complaints. I hate to draw attention to the fact but after having read the entire fic I feel that the overall effort is not visible. The last couple chapters in which the speech is not communicated in any way other then under simplistic name tags is rather infuriating. It makes it seem as though you the author do not care for the enjoyment of the reader. The least I feel you can do is to actually use puntuation in conveying speech. If that was a stylistic choice then I feel I have to inform you that its a rather ineffective choice.
Furhtermore after having read the chapters which have thus far been posted I'm left feeling that the chracters are rather two dimensional and lacking in personality. The way they speak, the way they approach a situation is almost repulsive in how detrimental it is to the characters. I feel as though the things the characters say are almost meant to cause far too much of a profound effect and that the words they speak do very little set apart the characters as individual personalities. Characterization is extremely significant to a story and whether or not you decide to keep the characters true to the book or not does not matter, but a deeper understanding of the personalities in your story need to be portrayed in order to create a more meanful story and in order to communitcate the story with your readers. I believe that the characters should speak to the reader instead of the author because anytime the author simply narrates a story I feel as though the plot takes on the appeal of dry cardboard.
What's more I think the scanning, halting, skimming quality which the plot possesses is rather unappealing. Without details to flesh out the story, set up mood,, atmosphere and setting and model the action, a story becomes akin to a list. That's what your story reads like, a list of events that happen one after another. To fix that you need to highlight certian events, by adding details and deeper character involvment not only will you be able to enhance your plot but you will also allow the significance of certain events to weave themselves into the future of the plot. By avoiding description you fail to establish the circumstances which the characters deal with and thus the story collapses in on itself.
I also think that your style of writing is rather undeveloped. Its not distinctive, merely narrative and that only draws attentions to the shortcomings of the story. I think the fact that the plot is one which has potential has already been agreed upon even by those reviewers who may seem to be rather harsh in their perspectives, but a good plot alone means nothing. Without the correct foundations to hold up the development of the plot it does not matter how good your stoyline is. What you need to do is allow for your story to have background, and create a world within your story that accomadates for your plot. I suppose that is easier said then done but perhaps a better developed first chapter would help. Even adding in a prologue which doesn't simply dive into the events as they occur would be a useful source of background to your plot.
I hope that my advice as a fellow author has been useful and I also hope you realize that I didn't take time to write this review because I'm a spiteful flamer with nothing better to do but rather because I think that your other reviewers have hounded you on the grammer of your story when that is not the only thing that leaves a foul taste in a readers mouth. I think a great deal of help and effort is needed to make this story worthy of an audiance but if you appreciate yourself as an author who wants to improve I know that you will take any advice given to you with enthusiam.
With that said I will have to admit that reading the story was a rather painful expereince for me, especially the last couple chapters where the effort was simply not there. Then why did I read it? Why didn't I heed your warning to simply leave if I didn't like it? I'm not masochistic in that I didn't read the fic because I enjoy my own pain but I did feel that I had to read it all before commenting and I felt the need to comment after reading the first chapter because I think it is the responsibility of the authors here on aff to help maintain a level of quality.
People who write do so mostly for their own reasons but the readers on the site often seek a good read and its detrimental to the entire community of aff when an author chooses to post work which has evidence of poor effort or work that sees no imrpovement in the face of critisim. I'm not saying you should stop posting, that's the last thing you should do but I feel that you should accept the cristism and rise above it by improving your own work and making life a little more pleasant for all those who take the time to read your work.
If you have anything to say about my review or if you have any questions feel free to send me an email.
- Incessant_Darkness
I did read the note which said to only continue reading if the fic was appreciated. I realize the fic is being written for the enjoyment of those who like/love it and yourself. I realize that I don't have any right to critisize anyone who makes an effort at maintian a decent story.
With that out of the way I hope that you will take my advice as helpful hints from a fellow author.
My concerns have nothing to do with your grammer because that is something I've learned to deal with while reading fanfiction and while weak grammer erks me I cannot fail to acknowledge that you have put up a steady if not entirely sucessful effort to improve the grammatical aspects of your story.
But reading through your reviews I saw that the grammatical components of your story was not the only thing to recieve complaints. I hate to draw attention to the fact but after having read the entire fic I feel that the overall effort is not visible. The last couple chapters in which the speech is not communicated in any way other then under simplistic name tags is rather infuriating. It makes it seem as though you the author do not care for the enjoyment of the reader. The least I feel you can do is to actually use puntuation in conveying speech. If that was a stylistic choice then I feel I have to inform you that its a rather ineffective choice.
Furhtermore after having read the chapters which have thus far been posted I'm left feeling that the chracters are rather two dimensional and lacking in personality. The way they speak, the way they approach a situation is almost repulsive in how detrimental it is to the characters. I feel as though the things the characters say are almost meant to cause far too much of a profound effect and that the words they speak do very little set apart the characters as individual personalities. Characterization is extremely significant to a story and whether or not you decide to keep the characters true to the book or not does not matter, but a deeper understanding of the personalities in your story need to be portrayed in order to create a more meanful story and in order to communitcate the story with your readers. I believe that the characters should speak to the reader instead of the author because anytime the author simply narrates a story I feel as though the plot takes on the appeal of dry cardboard.
What's more I think the scanning, halting, skimming quality which the plot possesses is rather unappealing. Without details to flesh out the story, set up mood,, atmosphere and setting and model the action, a story becomes akin to a list. That's what your story reads like, a list of events that happen one after another. To fix that you need to highlight certian events, by adding details and deeper character involvment not only will you be able to enhance your plot but you will also allow the significance of certain events to weave themselves into the future of the plot. By avoiding description you fail to establish the circumstances which the characters deal with and thus the story collapses in on itself.
I also think that your style of writing is rather undeveloped. Its not distinctive, merely narrative and that only draws attentions to the shortcomings of the story. I think the fact that the plot is one which has potential has already been agreed upon even by those reviewers who may seem to be rather harsh in their perspectives, but a good plot alone means nothing. Without the correct foundations to hold up the development of the plot it does not matter how good your stoyline is. What you need to do is allow for your story to have background, and create a world within your story that accomadates for your plot. I suppose that is easier said then done but perhaps a better developed first chapter would help. Even adding in a prologue which doesn't simply dive into the events as they occur would be a useful source of background to your plot.
I hope that my advice as a fellow author has been useful and I also hope you realize that I didn't take time to write this review because I'm a spiteful flamer with nothing better to do but rather because I think that your other reviewers have hounded you on the grammer of your story when that is not the only thing that leaves a foul taste in a readers mouth. I think a great deal of help and effort is needed to make this story worthy of an audiance but if you appreciate yourself as an author who wants to improve I know that you will take any advice given to you with enthusiam.
With that said I will have to admit that reading the story was a rather painful expereince for me, especially the last couple chapters where the effort was simply not there. Then why did I read it? Why didn't I heed your warning to simply leave if I didn't like it? I'm not masochistic in that I didn't read the fic because I enjoy my own pain but I did feel that I had to read it all before commenting and I felt the need to comment after reading the first chapter because I think it is the responsibility of the authors here on aff to help maintain a level of quality.
People who write do so mostly for their own reasons but the readers on the site often seek a good read and its detrimental to the entire community of aff when an author chooses to post work which has evidence of poor effort or work that sees no imrpovement in the face of critisim. I'm not saying you should stop posting, that's the last thing you should do but I feel that you should accept the cristism and rise above it by improving your own work and making life a little more pleasant for all those who take the time to read your work.
If you have anything to say about my review or if you have any questions feel free to send me an email.
- Incessant_Darkness
schedule
May 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
hey i think this is a good story. There are a few errors but it is perfectly readable. If you still need a beta i would love to do it. Just let me know.
vittani@aol.com
vittani@aol.com
schedule
April 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'd offer to beta for you but my grammar isn't the best. I love the story and hope that you get a chance to update again soon. good luck with the job hunt and hope you start feeling better soon.
schedule
April 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey I really like your story, so far it's really good.
I hope that you continue updating and that you find your second beta.
I would offer but I'm not sure I'd be overly good as a beta.
Keep up the great work.
Anyway I hope you get well soon, and good luck with the job hunting.
I hope that you continue updating and that you find your second beta.
I would offer but I'm not sure I'd be overly good as a beta.
Keep up the great work.
Anyway I hope you get well soon, and good luck with the job hunting.
schedule
April 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i am so excited about this story.. i cannot wait until u get more up.. sorry about the lost papers and the health issues... feel better soon
schedule
April 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i will gladly beta for you just drop me a line on my email
schedule
April 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I didn't read the story - I did read the reviews though because I wanted to see what people said that got a story (++). I am not going to read the story because of your notes: You simply refuse to change things. You should not expect respect and people not to flame if you aren't willing to write and take pride in it. Not only that, but be willing to learn from your mistakes...you really should try. People would appreciate that a lot more. :) Writing is for you and the reader, don't get discouraged because of bad reviews. They should make you want to try harder and harder. I know they make me want to scream, but it always makes me go back and fix the details. I am sure the story had loads of potential, but take pride in your work and yourself.
schedule
April 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Please, English is obviously not your first language. Get a better beta and learn how to write better. This story isn't the worst thing I have read but it's definitely in the bottom half. Your writing is choppy and stagnant. Your characters are wooden and unnatural. You have few if any transitions that flow from event to event, and the pacing of the action is far too fast and (again) choppy. Many of the characters are out of character. These are just a few of the problems in this piece. I applaude your attempt at writing a story, but don't get pissed when people have issues with how it's written. You are the one who posted it flawed.
schedule
April 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
im REALLY not trying to be mean, but you need to give your beta the sack. your story is really good and i hate to see it ruined by grammar and line-writing.