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January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well the plot is fun and i like the story, even if everyone is a little OOC (that's for the warning on that, btw.), however you could definitely benefit from a beta-reader. Just someone to look over your draft and help you polish it up a little. the one big error that i noticed, though, was the your use of the Unforgivable the Cruciatus Curse- the spell is "Crucio" not "Curico". The Harry Potter Lexicon (google- HP Lexicon) is great help for some of that stuff and it's super east to navigate.
Keep writing!
peace~ a
Keep writing!
peace~ a
schedule
January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I'm so glad you updated! Loved how she set him up for that kiss, WOW! Oops Volodormt is none to happy about this bit of news. Now I can see why Hermione picked Severus for to be her protector, well besides the fallen in love with him. *Grins* Keep up the great work!
schedule
January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
new one for you tiffany nice story
schedule
January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Good story, needs to be fleshed out more. Hermione and Severus came together far too quickly to be believable- in any universe.
Also, it's probably not your intention to have people laugh when Voldemort is punishing Lucius, but I couldn't help it. It's crucio....not curico.
Hope you find a beta- I'll still be reading though...
Laura
Also, it's probably not your intention to have people laugh when Voldemort is punishing Lucius, but I couldn't help it. It's crucio....not curico.
Hope you find a beta- I'll still be reading though...
Laura
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January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
So sorry for the double post, i hadn't read through your reviews when i posted the first time. Anyhow, not having a beta or having one unavailable is no excuse for not reading and rereading thoroughly before you post. that should help you catch stuff like missing words and major errors like the names and usage of certain spells. i'm not asking you to be a grammar whiz or never make any mistakes but youve at least gotta have complete sentences.
~a
~a
schedule
January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Great start!
schedule
January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This story is awesome! I can't wait til you update.
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January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yay Torture Lucise. Stupid Malfoy.
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January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is to Anon,
I realize my story has grammatical errors. (Sentence structure and such). Every time I put up a post looking for a beta, no one answers. It's not my fault I can't find a beta to catch these things. I have one, but she is currently working on a story I posted that I'm redoing.
As for deleting reviews, I only delete the ones that are critizing my story line and how I write my characters. I would love to find a Beta to beta this story, but that is doubtful.
Tiffany
I realize my story has grammatical errors. (Sentence structure and such). Every time I put up a post looking for a beta, no one answers. It's not my fault I can't find a beta to catch these things. I have one, but she is currently working on a story I posted that I'm redoing.
As for deleting reviews, I only delete the ones that are critizing my story line and how I write my characters. I would love to find a Beta to beta this story, but that is doubtful.
Tiffany
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January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Even though my Grammer sucks and my spelling isn't all that great I have been writing a long time and have sevreal Creative Writing class under my belt. Therefore I am more then willing to beta those points for you. I love this story idea of yours and the only thing I see that needs work is your discrption.