rate_review Reviews

i love this so much! i mean so much emotion! i was so moved and pulled into this story, i mean it a lot of stories don't effect me the way this one has i think it would be sad if this didn't continue this is so far one of my favs. also do you have a story over on i thinks it's fanfictionnet? because your name is framiluar (sorry i don't know if i spelled that right) but if you are the same i loved your story over there you're on my favs list. you are very talented! :) please update soon i would love it, i think we all will !!!!!

wow...this is awesome...i love it...you havee to continue it...i'm dying to know what happened to draco...and what hermione's going to do with the child...

On second thoughts... please don't continue this. I think it was perfect and it leaves you thinking about yourself in such a situation. Don't draw it out or complicate it more, just leave it as the most memorable one-shot on this site. I do think you should write more Draco/Hermione fics though!! ^_^

Brillant!! A wonderful one-shot...but yes...I must agree with the rest...PLEASE CONTINUE!!! Is he dead? Is he not dead?

Ok this story is not completed in any way, you must continue on writing! It was very good and needs to be continued.

Get a second beta:

e.g. of some glaring mistakes:

Your - belonging to you
you're - (contraction) you are

This had better not be the end!! It's too good to end here!! Keep writing!!!

This was awesome!! I loved it! Please do a sequel! I want to see what happens next!

MORE PLEASE!!!!

good... i liked it... it was hot but there was just one thing that I can't get over.

that whole explanation about how he found out she was **ovulating**?? Kinda gross and highly unlikely that any girl (canon or non-canon Hermione aside) would under any circumstances agree to sleep with him for the purposes of getting pregnant after hearing that he'd been spying on her for months and keeping track of her bodily functions... I mean that's just insane. How, after hearing that, did she not think... "Hey, Draco's completely and literally lost his mind... I have to get out of here"?

Regardless of all that... it just seemed that you put a lot of effort into manipulating the circumstances to fit the plot of the story you wanted to tell... You wanted this encounter to be mainly about Draco wanting Hermione to have his baby and they had to conceive that night b/c he was being hunted and it might be the last chance.... SOO... you had to make Draco CERTAIN that she would conceive... so you made up this *long, forced explanation* about polyjuice and ovulation tests and three months of basically mapping out the inner workings of the poor girl's body when... HELLO... they are MAGIC. This is fan fiction about witches and wizards. You could have made it so much simpler. It's your take on a magical universe. You could have made up any kind of spell you could imagine to make her fertile or to check to see if she was fertile, ya know without having to disguise himself as her best friend and make chit chat about menstruation (I can imagine how that *conversation* went) or breaking into bathrooms to steal urine.

I know my style of criticism might read a little harsh, but trust me... I like the story, but this (what I've been talking about) just took me out of the it. It's a criticism about content, not talent. Just think a little more about the universe you're writing in. I mean, would Hermione really need to take a muggle pregnancy test? Wouldn't the wizarding world have a fairly simple spell? I'm not saying you have to write canon... that's not all that fun but at least keep it in the realm of human behavior and take into consideration the world of the fandom.