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January 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hi...Just wanted to say that I like this story...it was funny to read the whole huge penis pouche in stomach thingy,but as for the story its self i think its pretty okay for a first try...
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January 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
well, i can definatley say that this chapter is better than the first few. thats goo. Your writing is improving!
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January 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow..
Thank you very much for your time to enlighten me about fan fic, and I really mean it.
I kind of just woke up from thinking that a lot of these people who read fan fic didn't take it seriously. It seems like there is so much more to it.
Fan fic must be a great passion in all of your lives, and now I feel like I have intruded in something that I didn't have a right to, by making a sloppy story.
I will finish this one, and call it the last fan fic that I will write with out using 'spell check' or a dictionary or anyother things that I should be using. (Beta maybe one of them, but I really won't let my friends do the editing for they can serious kick my ass for doing NC-17 stuff)
Next time when i come back writing about Severus and Hermione, I will try to finish at least two of the books of HP and try to improve with my writing skills.
But I will atleast finish this one, I am not quitting. And i am seriously sorry if I continued doing a sloppy job, or if I offend anyone by doing so.
Just know I am finishing the story, and no attack on my part towards the serious fan fic fans.
Thank you very much for your time to enlighten me about fan fic, and I really mean it.
I kind of just woke up from thinking that a lot of these people who read fan fic didn't take it seriously. It seems like there is so much more to it.
Fan fic must be a great passion in all of your lives, and now I feel like I have intruded in something that I didn't have a right to, by making a sloppy story.
I will finish this one, and call it the last fan fic that I will write with out using 'spell check' or a dictionary or anyother things that I should be using. (Beta maybe one of them, but I really won't let my friends do the editing for they can serious kick my ass for doing NC-17 stuff)
Next time when i come back writing about Severus and Hermione, I will try to finish at least two of the books of HP and try to improve with my writing skills.
But I will atleast finish this one, I am not quitting. And i am seriously sorry if I continued doing a sloppy job, or if I offend anyone by doing so.
Just know I am finishing the story, and no attack on my part towards the serious fan fic fans.
schedule
January 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Um...you do know that a penis no matter how large it is, does not show as a pooch on a womans stomach right? That alone made me laugh my ass off. I do have to suggest you need to take your time a bit more when you are writing. Getting an A in English doesn't mean you know how to write a good story. It just tells us you know the mechanics, and let me say, you aren't showing that very well here.
I see some people have told you that you need a beta, well get one. You can still tell your story, but it will just be easier on those who are reading. It throws someone off when they read "chocked on her cough" instead of "choked." And if you are writing about a character, spell their name correctly.
Your idea is good. While it has been done before, in this world of fanfiction, there are very few original ideas left. But there is no reason why you can't make this interesting.
I see some people have told you that you need a beta, well get one. You can still tell your story, but it will just be easier on those who are reading. It throws someone off when they read "chocked on her cough" instead of "choked." And if you are writing about a character, spell their name correctly.
Your idea is good. While it has been done before, in this world of fanfiction, there are very few original ideas left. But there is no reason why you can't make this interesting.
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January 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
It's known in the past that there was a guy who had a 13.5 inch penis. Maybe Snape was one of them. ;)
(wishful thinking)
Yeah, you need to get a Beta for real. But I guess you heard that too often it doesn't really matter anymore.
(wishful thinking)
Yeah, you need to get a Beta for real. But I guess you heard that too often it doesn't really matter anymore.
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January 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
well, i have been reading your story, and the reviews you have been getting. So, I realize that the advice I am going to give you will be a lot like the other advie you have been getting, but I feel compelled to give it to you anyway.
1. Before writing, make an outline of the story. Write out all teh things that you want to happen in the story, how you will split it up into chapters, and then how you will end it. This will help you because when you go back to write the actual chapters, you will have a reference of sorts, so you know what you are going to write.
2. Try reading some of teh other stories, so you have an idea of how ot build the plot etc. I would recoomend that you rad soem of the stories written by:
*Corazon- her stories are really good!!!
*Ms_Figg - her storeis are great too, and she updates really quick, so you wouldnt have to wait too much for an update
(THose are th etwo main authors whose stories i keep a close tab on.....)
3. If you have trouble coming up wiht a good plot on you own, try to write a story based on a challenge (you could try some of WIKTT's challenges.....), becayuse in the challegnes, the rules pretty much lay out how the story should be written....and all the things you should include.
Lastly, I would like to say that you shouldn't feel really bad about your writing skills now. Everyone starts out bad, it is just those people who try to do better that will get better. So if you really like writing fan fic, than read a few stories, read the hp series, and possibly get a beta.....(If you would like, I wouldnt mind betaing your next story. e mail me about it if you are interstred: sexibabe919@yahoo.com).
1. Before writing, make an outline of the story. Write out all teh things that you want to happen in the story, how you will split it up into chapters, and then how you will end it. This will help you because when you go back to write the actual chapters, you will have a reference of sorts, so you know what you are going to write.
2. Try reading some of teh other stories, so you have an idea of how ot build the plot etc. I would recoomend that you rad soem of the stories written by:
*Corazon- her stories are really good!!!
*Ms_Figg - her storeis are great too, and she updates really quick, so you wouldnt have to wait too much for an update
(THose are th etwo main authors whose stories i keep a close tab on.....)
3. If you have trouble coming up wiht a good plot on you own, try to write a story based on a challenge (you could try some of WIKTT's challenges.....), becayuse in the challegnes, the rules pretty much lay out how the story should be written....and all the things you should include.
Lastly, I would like to say that you shouldn't feel really bad about your writing skills now. Everyone starts out bad, it is just those people who try to do better that will get better. So if you really like writing fan fic, than read a few stories, read the hp series, and possibly get a beta.....(If you would like, I wouldnt mind betaing your next story. e mail me about it if you are interstred: sexibabe919@yahoo.com).
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January 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
It's terrific that you are planning to read some of the Harry Potter books. Read them all!
I would be interested in reading a story that you had put some serious effort into it. Keep trying.
I would be interested in reading a story that you had put some serious effort into it. Keep trying.
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December 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please avail yourself of a beta. Of course none of this will matter soon as you haven't bothered to write a disclaimer either.
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December 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
man ... please please more ... man snape .. later for for now
angel
angel
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December 31, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I find it quite funny that while you claim you don't care how harsh a critic is that you constantly jump in to defend yourself. You obviously are too sensitive for honest criticism.
Your writing style, grammar, and spelling need improvement. Keep writing, as practice makes perfect. Ubung macht dem meister. You should take the time to find a beta as suggested previously. It shows a marked contempt for your own work and the language you are using if you don't attempt to do your best. You claim you can do better - DO IT!! No one likes a lazy writer.
On a whole this story is not very good. Edit, edit, edit.....then edit again.
Good luck!
Your writing style, grammar, and spelling need improvement. Keep writing, as practice makes perfect. Ubung macht dem meister. You should take the time to find a beta as suggested previously. It shows a marked contempt for your own work and the language you are using if you don't attempt to do your best. You claim you can do better - DO IT!! No one likes a lazy writer.
On a whole this story is not very good. Edit, edit, edit.....then edit again.
Good luck!