AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for The Trip

by smallyuy

person brittany
schedule January 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
great update
person Isadax
schedule January 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
What a start ! I 'd love to read more.
person brittany
schedule December 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
love this story
please update soon
person Gothic.Elf.
schedule December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I loved it! This sounds like it's going to be very halariouse and original! I'm even going to put it on my Favorit list! PLEASE continue!
person Darkladyd
schedule December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey I get first review!! I love it so far, and I equally love the plot for this story so far! Just a couple of things.....your story reads.....I really don't know how to describe it........maybe sort of rushed? Slow down a little, and give a little more details. You also need to break-up your paragraphs a little bit more.....they kinda run together.

Your grasp of English is very good, but you need to watch your phrasing a little.....your sentenses run together a little. Other than that, a very good start! I can tell, that I will really enjoy this story!! Please update soon!!

**Your slight mistakes could be handled by a Beta Reader, and I offer my help...if you wish. Please contact me at the above e-mail address, if you interested**

Darkladyd

person Darkladyd
schedule December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Sorry, I have no idea why my e-mail address did not show up before. Here it is...

darkladyd2003@yahoo.com

Darkladyd
person Snarky B.
schedule December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Get a beta reader.
person Nightwing
schedule December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oooo, the sexual tension!!
Can't wait for more
chow for now!
person Anguloce
schedule December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hello! if you're looking for a beta, i'd be more than willing to take up the task. my email is mefoster@anderson.edu.
person felmyst
schedule December 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Great start, looking forward to the next chap.....