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January 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I have just read through all 4 chapters and I can safetly say that this story is shapping up to be one of my all time favorites.
That may not sound like much, but I have read 100's of stories and I have only ever considered 4 to be this good, 2 of which were easier as they did not contain sex.
I have observed during the reading of many a story that it is incredibly hard to get the plot/sex balance just right, which I must say you are achieving spectacularly.
This story has plot, sex, sexual tension and most importantly humour, and that is incredibly hard to achieve.
Everything I am about to say is positive even if if could be interpreted as bad.
1. You have slightly less insanity than me, giving you the perfect level of madness and guts to write such a fic (I am more insane judging from some of the stories I have written).
2. You have excellent discriptive language and planning as requards the plot, allowing the scenes to flow perfectly and still seem perfectly normal.
3. You have made Harry alost supreme in his ability to rule the 'Puppet Master'
4. And you have an great talent for writing humour, which I am very envious of.
Another think I will add which you may or may not concider an ego booster is that I am British (I am assuming your not as everyone bar one person I have talked to has been American) and I think you have captured British language and humour perfectly.
Only 1 really really minor critisism is that sometimes Fleur says things like "You Bet." which I do not think she would ever say as she still has to speak many words in French, it seems a bit too British/Americanish. That is my only cristisism.
Pairings: I vote Tonks (preferably having sex with Harry and Fleur[I've always loved those two girls]), Narcissa (that will be a fun pairing, can imagine her trying to resist Harry) and as a suggestion Andromeda Tonks (Tonks's mother) as she has never been in the books so that allows you to do anything with her (interpret that how you like). I would love to see a Beauxbaton orgy (not just Fleur, Daphne and Regine) and I don't nessesarily think that a Veela orgy would be against Fleurs wishes, it could be a sort of traditions; evaluating Felurs mate or evaluating the Messiah what ever works.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't kill of Fleur, I don't think the story would work if she died perpernantly.
Other than that this story is excelletn....oh, 1 more think
PLEASE WRITE FASTER
GuardianOfLight.
That may not sound like much, but I have read 100's of stories and I have only ever considered 4 to be this good, 2 of which were easier as they did not contain sex.
I have observed during the reading of many a story that it is incredibly hard to get the plot/sex balance just right, which I must say you are achieving spectacularly.
This story has plot, sex, sexual tension and most importantly humour, and that is incredibly hard to achieve.
Everything I am about to say is positive even if if could be interpreted as bad.
1. You have slightly less insanity than me, giving you the perfect level of madness and guts to write such a fic (I am more insane judging from some of the stories I have written).
2. You have excellent discriptive language and planning as requards the plot, allowing the scenes to flow perfectly and still seem perfectly normal.
3. You have made Harry alost supreme in his ability to rule the 'Puppet Master'
4. And you have an great talent for writing humour, which I am very envious of.
Another think I will add which you may or may not concider an ego booster is that I am British (I am assuming your not as everyone bar one person I have talked to has been American) and I think you have captured British language and humour perfectly.
Only 1 really really minor critisism is that sometimes Fleur says things like "You Bet." which I do not think she would ever say as she still has to speak many words in French, it seems a bit too British/Americanish. That is my only cristisism.
Pairings: I vote Tonks (preferably having sex with Harry and Fleur[I've always loved those two girls]), Narcissa (that will be a fun pairing, can imagine her trying to resist Harry) and as a suggestion Andromeda Tonks (Tonks's mother) as she has never been in the books so that allows you to do anything with her (interpret that how you like). I would love to see a Beauxbaton orgy (not just Fleur, Daphne and Regine) and I don't nessesarily think that a Veela orgy would be against Fleurs wishes, it could be a sort of traditions; evaluating Felurs mate or evaluating the Messiah what ever works.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't kill of Fleur, I don't think the story would work if she died perpernantly.
Other than that this story is excelletn....oh, 1 more think
PLEASE WRITE FASTER
GuardianOfLight.
schedule
January 23, 2006 at 12:00 AM
my vote is for parvati and padma at the same time, Tonks, and Narcissa
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January 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Great story! I'm looking forward to your updates. As for the poll, I think Padma, Hannah, Susan, Tracy, Tonks and Daphane would work. He could use Susan and Tonks so that he has his own eyes in the ministry. He could also use Narcissa to spy on the Death Eates so that he knows what they are up to. Maybe find a way for Fleur and Regine to remain for the following school year as some sort of student exchange program so that they can give him insight that he may miss. Keep up the good work, I'm looking forward to see where you go with the rest of the story.
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January 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh man, this is great. Ok, so I'm supposed to give points to scenario's?
Well, Fleur becoming a nurse (preferably at hogwarts) should DEFINATELY be in there, so 1 point there.
And I believe NArcissa Black should be there too. Shame that Gabrielle isn't possible (I remember Fleur saying that she had an adorable crush on him) but I would not want Fleur to die (she should be/remain the leading lady) though I remember reading about a Veela Orgy posibility? Perhaps not a big orgy but a htreesome between Fleur, Harry and Gabrielle?
And Tonks should be there too. I mean, ashape shifter? Every guys dream...and she is still young enough. I think she should be 7 years older, 8 tops.SO that should make her 22 now, going 23. Manageable. Plus she can change her looks, so age is no problem at all.
Well, Fleur becoming a nurse (preferably at hogwarts) should DEFINATELY be in there, so 1 point there.
And I believe NArcissa Black should be there too. Shame that Gabrielle isn't possible (I remember Fleur saying that she had an adorable crush on him) but I would not want Fleur to die (she should be/remain the leading lady) though I remember reading about a Veela Orgy posibility? Perhaps not a big orgy but a htreesome between Fleur, Harry and Gabrielle?
And Tonks should be there too. I mean, ashape shifter? Every guys dream...and she is still young enough. I think she should be 7 years older, 8 tops.SO that should make her 22 now, going 23. Manageable. Plus she can change her looks, so age is no problem at all.
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January 18, 2006 at 12:00 AM
You know, I'm always wondering why Harry doesn't go back to the Secret CHamber. I mean, there is a room in the school that only he can enter, with lots of space, undetectable...Plus with all the snakes it is quite an impressive room. I say Harry should destroy or addapt the head of Salazar and make it his own chamber. Start a club or something to prepare for the war, form an army...You could even have a potion mistress (one of the girls might be an expert with potions) use the dead basilisk for ingredients.
Heck, if you want, you could have him find a basilisk egg that he hatches and then blindfolds. Since he can speak to snakes, it would be a most valuable ally. And the counterpart of Dumbledore's phoenix. A symbol of status.
I'd really like that.
I also agree with what someone else wrote. Don't overdo it with the Harem. I'd say Fleur, Tonks and maybe Gabrielle (considering Fleur doesn't die, otherwise leave her) and one girl at school. Cho perhaps, or Blaise. But NOT GINNY OR HERMIONE! OR ANY PATIL, LAVENDER,...no gryfindor girls.
Heck, if you want, you could have him find a basilisk egg that he hatches and then blindfolds. Since he can speak to snakes, it would be a most valuable ally. And the counterpart of Dumbledore's phoenix. A symbol of status.
I'd really like that.
I also agree with what someone else wrote. Don't overdo it with the Harem. I'd say Fleur, Tonks and maybe Gabrielle (considering Fleur doesn't die, otherwise leave her) and one girl at school. Cho perhaps, or Blaise. But NOT GINNY OR HERMIONE! OR ANY PATIL, LAVENDER,...no gryfindor girls.
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January 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yes do the veela orgy that would be awsome
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January 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Loving it so far!
Great story, little low on the smut side, but I do appreciate a decent plot, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. Harry is a bit out of character, but that's relatively easily explainable as simply the expression of his newfound power, friends, and the effects of being a Male veela. As for my pairing choices:
Luna+
Tonks+
Su Li+
Narcissa+
Those would have to be the best choices for me, along with the OC muggle chick (whether it's Dudly's girl or not) for the summer fling, and as stated in a previous review, the summer at the Dursley's is a great time to bring Tonks into the fun. If you do bring Luna in to it, I really hope you manage to stay as IC as possible with her, it just ruins the lure of such an eccentric and interesting character when she suddenly becomes normal and well adjusted. I'd see a lot of potential there for her needing some comforting from Harry, after all, she hasn't many friends, and there's a definate connection between her and Harry as both have been bullied rather rigorously in the past. Not to mention that her rather random and unique tendancies open up a whole plethora of kinky stuff ;)
Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see what happens next!
Great story, little low on the smut side, but I do appreciate a decent plot, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. Harry is a bit out of character, but that's relatively easily explainable as simply the expression of his newfound power, friends, and the effects of being a Male veela. As for my pairing choices:
Luna+
Tonks+
Su Li+
Narcissa+
Those would have to be the best choices for me, along with the OC muggle chick (whether it's Dudly's girl or not) for the summer fling, and as stated in a previous review, the summer at the Dursley's is a great time to bring Tonks into the fun. If you do bring Luna in to it, I really hope you manage to stay as IC as possible with her, it just ruins the lure of such an eccentric and interesting character when she suddenly becomes normal and well adjusted. I'd see a lot of potential there for her needing some comforting from Harry, after all, she hasn't many friends, and there's a definate connection between her and Harry as both have been bullied rather rigorously in the past. Not to mention that her rather random and unique tendancies open up a whole plethora of kinky stuff ;)
Keep up the good work, I can't wait to see what happens next!
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January 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
GIVE ME A DROW!!! Oh YA!! Definetly a drow, those bitches are HOT
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January 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i whould like to see Padma and Tonks and maybe Narcissa
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January 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Good story so far! Keep up the good work.
My Votes to add to Harry's little Harem:
Padma
Parvati
Tonks
Susan
Luna
Hanna
Wow I really like the big harem idea
My Votes to add to Harry's little Harem:
Padma
Parvati
Tonks
Susan
Luna
Hanna
Wow I really like the big harem idea