rate_review Reviews

I love this Tonks/Kingsley partnership.

This whole fic is very amusing and entertaining, I think I am repeating myself.

The bit with the golem was extremely funny and now that Hermione knows what the game is, I can't wait for her to back Severus into a corner.

I hope she takes over the lab just to annoy him. :)

wonderful banter is making me laugh

Ch 5-7 - good work, Tonks! How funny, that everyone in the house notices something happening with Severus and Hermione - maybe they'll start a betting pool. So Hermione is going to start playing games with the Slytherin.... heh-heh! Can't wait to see the fireworks!

OMG! LMAO! That was so mean of Hermione to send Sybil after Severus like that! I also loved the part where Hermione chopped off the end of the carrot. This story is really getting good so far! Update again and soon!

Your biggest fan,
Tiffany

While I do not claim to be an expert, may I make a suggestion or two? When I read the exchanges between Hermione and Severus in "Maid in the Devil's Manor" I died laughing at the blatant innuendo. When they had that dinner of "sensuous delights?" Holy shite! It was too in your face - a 13 year old would have been blushing. Try to be subtler. For example, rather than have her suck on a banana, maybe she could lick her lips while they are arguing, or she could catch his eyes on her from across the room and shiver. My other suggestion was to not have him start pursuing her - instead, have Snape push and push as he is doing in the story, only to have Hermione's resolve break during a shouting match and push back - i.e. he provokes fight, she wants to flee, he pushes, she finally pushes back, heat develops, characters feel heat, in heat of moment passion erupts into kissing (or whatever.) I think if he planned to seduce her it wouldn't fit with what you have already started. But hell, you've probably written chapter 20 so far, so thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts, from one fanfiction writer to another. I wish I had your drive, or a grandmother as cool as you. I can't even say "sex" in the same house as my Gran, she'll hear me and beat my ass. ~Elizabeth

Denise: Betas are great. I don't use one because they would slow me down first off. My chapters aren't pre-written. I post them as I write them. And I don't like to wait around. Not everyone has the time I do. Editing is as painstaking as writing if you do it well. Secondly, I use fragments quite a bit as well as one-word sentences that would never make it past them. lol. I have a tendency to write like I think and speak, and sorry to say that isn't always in proper structure or english. I think I do a reasonable job of editing as I write, and have done some paid editing from time to time. Of course there are going to be mistakes. Even published novels often have one or two errors in them. I don't let them bother me too much, and correct them when I see them most of the time and have no problem correcting them if they are pointed out to me. As long as the mistakes I make don't disrupt the flow of the story, then I think I'm doing okay. And I'm sure my readers don't mind telling me when I've made glaring errors. I appreciate it when they do.

chapter # 3 - # 4: EXCELLENT. So nice to wake up and be able to read your update! :)

Haha, I'm a Legilimens!! Or so I would like to think... Ah well, the talks went over really smoothly and I can't wait for the outcome of that. Maybe...
The seeds have been planted, now they need some caring and time to develop; interesting interesting, I'm waiting with bated breath for your next update... :-)

oh write this as soon as you can! hehe snape on the move ...how i hope herm gets him back, heheh to good to pass this up.

Kingsley was brave indeed! Now I can picture Tonks and Kingsley discussing their "war stories" before Tonks makes good on her promise, and meanwhile Severus and Hermoine will be lying in their separate bedchambers brooding the night away about their feelings toward each other. Another well written chapter!