rate_review Reviews

wonderfull, i've been waiting for anothe chapter for a while now, love your fic please hurry up with the continuation.

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good stuff keep going, i like the reality feel brought in this story

I love where this story is going, and how Ginny/Draco's relationship
is developing. =) Keep up the great work! ^^

Interesting, can't wait till the next chapter! =)

The storyline is excellent. The story needs a lot of work. Please get a good beta. Someone who knows the ins and outs of writing. There are areas where thought was needed. Examples: Even if their side had been victorious, their world still lay in shambles after the war. (So, which side won? This statement leaves it up for grabs) Eventually, after dinner, they left. Soon, it was time to return to Hogwarts. Hermione owled her the necessary textbooks and supplies, strongly suspecting that Ginny would forget to buy them. (Bad timing for this. Hermione hasn't been out of the house long enough to owl anything.) She would be off in four hours. In four hours, she told herself, she would be back in her bed (realistically, if she gets of work in 4 hours it will take more than 4 hours to be in bed. The number 4 was redundant in this chapter and served no purpose to be so.) There are many such areas in this story.

The story is filled with grammatical errors. Examples: at the eight empty hands that not longer moved/the happy couple, itself,/in her substitution./busyness/breasts spilling out dark fabric/ogled at/His father tricked her into Tom Riddle.

Then there is the poor use of the comma. In this story, the use of the comma should be a felony. It is over-used in all the wrong places. It was, for the most part, never used where it should have been.

I came up with the idea to open a sort of secret club, an exclusive setting that only the very privileged can enter. Secret club...that sounds like a group of ten-year old girls with a tent. Why not a private club? Try saying 'that only the privileged can afford.'

She ran her other options through her mind. The word 'option' means that a person has more than one possible course. It is useless to say 'other options'. One would simply have 'options'.

to the secret entrance to her secret world. Delete the word 'secret' from your vocabulary. Ever hear of 'overkill'?

Actually, the way it unfolded was This entire paragraph was terrible in the way and place that it was used. I realize it was probably meant for a dramatic touch, but it was weak. It sounds like a someone trying to tell a lie.

He was one of few who liked to touch, probably because he was one of few who could afford it. If this is a club for the privileged, doesn't it stand to reason that all the guests could afford it?

they were apparated away from Madame

Very well done! Pat yourself on the back!

okay, so you're continueing(spelling?) cause that was really good. I like ginny in this. she's not so innocent and goody2shoes...awesome job

This is pretty kool :P
Please continue :)

This is a great plotline, and the characters seem prety realistic. Please continue the story and thank you for writing it in the first place. I really appriecate the good spelling and grammer