rate_review Reviews

Wow, that was intense.
Malfoy really is too cruel, I don't see how this story can
ever have a good ending that isn't dark and hateful,
because Malfoy really truly is a complete bastard. The way
you wrote Hermione is much more understandable, I can
see her be more reasonable and sensitive.
Interesting chapter tho, keep it up! =)

Thanks for putting up chapter 7 so fast!
That was awsome!

DHIwoefherufh.

HOLY MOTHER OF BEJESUS.

Have I told you I love you? Because I do. You seriously WIN at life woman, you do.

I AM SPENT. BUT I WILL RETURN. WITH WORDS! AND OMG what's with the CLIFFHANGER?! DEATH TO ME, I SAY!

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thought 'how terrible it must of felt to those poor sods who read chapter 5 and had to wait!' and now, after 7, i envy them.... what was in her eyes, what will she say to harry, has harry lost it, what happens now, WHAT WILL SHE DO??? a thousand questions running through my head....and only you have the power to satisfy. Good fics are hard to find, for every great fic one must suffer through a hundred semi decent fics. And after years slumming the net for that one fic that goes beyond the call of duty...those ones, are the rarest of them all. I can recall only one or two D/H fics that have me at their mercy like yours does. It has been a while. I love smut. Although their hasn't been much main pairing action, I feel that the story has not matured to that point yet. You haven't rushed it. Good for you, don't rush the smut. Rushed smut leaves a bitter taste in your soul. I never expect Hermonie and Draco to start senselessly fucking eachother. Fics that start out like that do not take into consideration the characters themselves. If I wanted to read about two people shagging I would go a bookstore and buy an erotica novel. I wanted Draco Malfoy and Hermonie Granger two polar opposites, two hopeless rivals, to somehow find a relationship. Its hard to pull off and kept the characters, well in character. Hats off to you, please update soon, don't keep us waiting like some authors do cough:JK Rowling:cough.
Much love
Eddie

Hello! I am here to review your fanfic, which, thus far, has been quite an enjoyable read. There are a few issues in your writing that devalue your work a bit, but that can be easily fixed, and there are several things about your writing that I would like to leave you kudos for.
Firstly, I feel that you frenzied style of writing (which I am very much a fan of, don't change those intense areas!) sometimes leads you to make small mistakes in your sentence structure, spelling, and grammar. At times there are words left out, and I don't mean sentence fragments, I understand that you are using these fragments for emphasis throughout the story. I do mean that you will have a sentence such as "As he went to grab her, trpped and fell," when you mean to say "As he went to grab her, he tripped and fell." These mistakes are small, and often hard to catch in fast-paced writing such as yours, but it detracts from the story when a reader has to pause and think, "now who tripped?" Perhaps a beta reader or some such thing could help, and if you'd like, I'd be happy to run through your story for you. Secondly, I notice at times that there are a few simple grammar errors, just things such as subject/verb agreement. Again, just little things that aren't intended but manage to slip by under the quick stroke of a keyboard.
Now I shall move on to those things about your writing that I adore. You have a powerful command over sentences and words when you want to, and you can bring alive extremely intense, frenzied feelings in your readers, allowing for a true vicarious experience. I found myself often on the edge of my seat while reading your story, desperate to read the next action. This is an extremely valuable tool in writing, one which I hope you do not lose. The story itself is becoming quite intense, and I very much like how you managed to break the tension a bit with Hermione's memory of herself, Ron, and Harry. It was well placed, the deep inhale before the dive into the tumultous confrontation between Draco and Harry. I also like the powerful Harry, though I feel that his crazyness is a bit pressed at times, but since this is something you have recognized and intended, I'm not very worried about it. Draco has become an interesting character. I must admit that, at the beginning of this story, I simply thought to myself, "Wonderful, another smutty story with whore!draco, and headgirl!hermione." Your Draco has grown from the one dimensional character he was at the beginning of the story, and I like the battle you have set up within him. I feel you have created a good, consistent Hermione as well. In too many D/Hr, Hermione becomes a rather didactic character, which is something I've found irritating as late. I like that her struggles, reactions, and reasoning has remained rational and true to the character you created. One final thing I'd like to critique is the timeline of your story. It remains a bit sketchy to me, and if I'm correct, these events have happened over the course of a week, yet Hermione is constantly finding herself suddenly very close to the winter ball. Also, I know Draco has turned a pivot, but you may want to give him some time to think and interact with people who aren't Hermione, if only for a paragraph or two. He has gone through a lot in a few days, coming to terms with the loss of his father, discovering what his relationship with his father really was, and questioning his own beliefs that have kept him stable since his father's death. The boy needs to take a nice long bath, maybe beat some things up on the Quidditch pitch, clear his head. Again, that is only my opinion, and it is your story, and should conform to your plan for your story. I just feel that the timeline is squeezed a bit too close together; a lot has happened in only a week.

I hope my comments both helped you in your writing and gave you a bit of confidence! You have a lot of talent, and a good command of emotion in your stories. You know how to excite your readers and placate them, and this is something very refreshing to see in fanfiction, especially D/Hr.

Kudos and Good luck!
Tanny

Another amazing update if I do say so myself. I just wanted to let you know that when I got home I did a little dance when I saw there was not one, but two new chapters up. thanks fro all yor hardwork and reviving my interest in Draco/Hermonie fiction.

rereading it is stll great....read it late last night n again today......man.......gives me goosebumps.......please update soon....so post if youre going to do it anytime soon........its torture

i liked the chapter it was a nice memory... i rather be hot than cold myself... to freeze to death or to sweat to death at least sweating isn't painful... great chapter

~~WOW~~ I am utterly impressed with how dead on this is to how I see them. I love how down right fucked up you made him. In my head they're all fucked up, and I'm just glad I get to read it in such a good story. Can't wait for more. your awesome.

Holy shite, I swear I need a fucking oxygen tank when I read this story! Ahhhh! Son of a bitch this is an awesome fiction. I can't get enough, I think I'm addicted. Wow. You, my dear, are one of the best authors I have encountered on this gigantic site. Your depictions of Draco and Hermione are dead on. If there was a class I could take to learn to write like you, I'd be first in line, bitch. I think I speak for most of the readers when I say that, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and need you to write some more chapters. Mmkay? Great.