rate_review Reviews

I love it.

I loved it, esspecially the ending!
I also loved the teddy bear. That was so cute and yet at the same time funny. Severus Snape, feared Potions Master of Hogwarts, hugging a teddy bear.
If you would be so obliged............SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, first off, I think you could improve a lot. Most important think you need is a beta-reader and very much so. A lot of your typos would be gone - believe me, I know this from experience. A beta reader is the most important thing to a writer, he/she can be a sounding board, they help develop ideas and find the loopholes.

To be honest, I don\'t think people writing \'loved it, post more\' are the helpful kind of reviewers. Sure, it\'s nice to hear that, but you can\'t LEARN from it. I think you got confused with the books and what happened in them. Also, your characterisation is off and your dialogues are missing what makes them interesting. What are they doing, are they pacing, looking at each other, sitting, tapping their fingers? THAT is what is making a dialogue come to live.

From a beta perspective what you posted is what I call a rough draft, maybe even a collection of ideas, but not a story ready for posting. Don\'t worry, most of us start that way, god knows I have posted stories that I wish I could just delete from the internet and forget. They are out there tho, and no matter what, they do show my development.

Keep writing, keep working on yourself, get yourself a beta, who doesn\'t just say \'yes and amen\' but is open with you and tells you when something you wrote doesn\'t work. Even though they might be harsh, those are the people who actually help. They ask you the hard questions, they will make your document look like it\'s got the measles, but you WILL develope through it and with them.

Ummm, what the fuck??!! I got linked here by a friend and right now, I\'m not sure whether I should go into a catatonic state or scream hysterically. I\'m sorry but have you even read the HP books?! Snape is completely and utterly out of character, and Harry isn\'t much better. Snape/underage!Harry may work under certain circumstances but none of which can be found in your fic. Also, your grammar and spelling are appalling. I\'m not a native English speaker myself (in fact, English is my 4th language) but I think I can safely say that I can do better than that. The same goes for an awfull lot of other people I know, too. My suggestion? Go, (re-)read the books. Then read some good fanfic (I recommend archives such as the Potter Slash archive... their fic is generally good quality). Write some more. Get your fics betaed before you post them!!! Feel free to continue writing fics like this one, just please don\'t inflict them on the rest of the universe. Yours truly, me!

Hey, your username is similar to mine! :-P Great minds think alike, don\'t you reckon? :-P Anyways, wonderful story! I love it!

good chapter

cool



are you adding more to this. would love to read it.

I\'ve read this before... and I still like it a lot.

That was a good story right up to the ending...that deep passionate kiss just wasn\'t the perfect finishing touch. They would have done better to walk down the hall together while Snape talked about his perspective after reading the letter.

i say you should keep going... that was a great chapter tho... i want to hear more from you soon