schedule
August 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ok...erm... i'm going to be frank here, so don't get mad at me if i sound impolite O_O There are just several problems with this fic (and here i'm just going to be commenting on the fic in general, NOT the fact that you've posted on the Other Male Character section, i believe several other people have given their oppinions on this O_o)
1) The plot while good, nees a bit more refining, all i'm getting about this fic is: sex, although a good enough area to base around (i mean, this IS adultfanfiction) what i get from your outline is that you're trying to create something WITH a plot and not a PWP with more than one chapter.
1a) Harry enlists Hermione's help through sexual...er.. bribery (?) is all well and nice, except for the fact that Hermione, being the smart, responsible, goody-two-shoes witch that she is, probably won't fall for it. She knows Harry wants Cho (another point i would like to raise with that, but later) and so would probably not try to break things between them by bedding Harry. If you want a sex scene there maybe you could have Hermione beg for one last (or first and last) time (which she will not tell no one about... Harry can feel all guilty later and tell Cho anyways in a later date, or not) with Harry and he reluctantly agrees? (i donno, you think it out you're the author) Or have one between Ron and Hermione... btw... where the Hell is Ron in all this?
1b) (not a problem here, just a thought) Ahh the lovely Ginerva Weasly, i'm not going to complain, her going stalker/possessive-ish and going to confront Harry is all cool :D
1c) Hermione confronts Cho on Harry's sexual capabilities... If i'm considering someone to be my boyfriend, i DO NOT want some past conquest to come and tell me that he's great in bed -_-;; seriously i don't, i'd probably kick him in the nuts and say bye bye forever if that ever happened
2) Cho and Harry... question: does Harry want Cho to be his girlfriend? or does he just want a fuck buddy? cause i can tell you this, it seems like he just wants a fuck buddy... and it doesn't impress me (i don't think i'd impress Cho either) You did state that 'Harry wants Cho' in your outline.. i'm just curious.
3) Finally to the very end of your plot outline... Harry and Cho has sex and Happily Ever After... -_- no offence but: shallow much? I mean, come on!! first, they're not getting together as in bf gf thing, they're just having sex O_O it actually brings back point 2 so i'll leave it at that
bottom line: does this story include a deep and thought out plot with lots of twists and turns and people doubting themselves, questioning motives and all those stuff, or is this just a bad excuse for Harry to have sex with multiple different partners?
Clara
1) The plot while good, nees a bit more refining, all i'm getting about this fic is: sex, although a good enough area to base around (i mean, this IS adultfanfiction) what i get from your outline is that you're trying to create something WITH a plot and not a PWP with more than one chapter.
1a) Harry enlists Hermione's help through sexual...er.. bribery (?) is all well and nice, except for the fact that Hermione, being the smart, responsible, goody-two-shoes witch that she is, probably won't fall for it. She knows Harry wants Cho (another point i would like to raise with that, but later) and so would probably not try to break things between them by bedding Harry. If you want a sex scene there maybe you could have Hermione beg for one last (or first and last) time (which she will not tell no one about... Harry can feel all guilty later and tell Cho anyways in a later date, or not) with Harry and he reluctantly agrees? (i donno, you think it out you're the author) Or have one between Ron and Hermione... btw... where the Hell is Ron in all this?
1b) (not a problem here, just a thought) Ahh the lovely Ginerva Weasly, i'm not going to complain, her going stalker/possessive-ish and going to confront Harry is all cool :D
1c) Hermione confronts Cho on Harry's sexual capabilities... If i'm considering someone to be my boyfriend, i DO NOT want some past conquest to come and tell me that he's great in bed -_-;; seriously i don't, i'd probably kick him in the nuts and say bye bye forever if that ever happened
2) Cho and Harry... question: does Harry want Cho to be his girlfriend? or does he just want a fuck buddy? cause i can tell you this, it seems like he just wants a fuck buddy... and it doesn't impress me (i don't think i'd impress Cho either) You did state that 'Harry wants Cho' in your outline.. i'm just curious.
3) Finally to the very end of your plot outline... Harry and Cho has sex and Happily Ever After... -_- no offence but: shallow much? I mean, come on!! first, they're not getting together as in bf gf thing, they're just having sex O_O it actually brings back point 2 so i'll leave it at that
bottom line: does this story include a deep and thought out plot with lots of twists and turns and people doubting themselves, questioning motives and all those stuff, or is this just a bad excuse for Harry to have sex with multiple different partners?
Clara
schedule
November 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Don't bother getting that fic started in this category.
THIS is the category for OMC or in other words: Original MALE Characters.
And please, next time you post a 'fic' DON'T post the outlines first. If you're not gonna post a chapter right away, don't bother us at all.
THIS is the category for OMC or in other words: Original MALE Characters.
And please, next time you post a 'fic' DON'T post the outlines first. If you're not gonna post a chapter right away, don't bother us at all.
schedule
January 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I agree with Danica's review totally. I think I may know where you became confused...OMC doesn't mean other magical character as at some fanfic sites. Hope you continue this and succeed in finding a beta. It's not a match I like but it'syour story not mine.
schedule
December 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
First off, this sounds like a really well-planned out story, you know exactly what's going to happen. That's good for the author. However, the biggest thing any good writer wants in their story is suspension. Keep your audience guessing. Don't tell them what's going to happen, that just ruins the whole story. Also, pay attention to where you place your story, for instance in a Harry/OMC(original male character) this story would not bode well, one, Cho is a girl, and two, if you haven't already read your reviews, people can get a little hostile when one misplaces a story.
On the other hand, to those reviewers who were being cruel, I have it in my right mind to shove a bar of soap down your foul-mouthed throats. You just don't say you don't like a story without a proper reason, that is being very rude and selfish. You're just making yourself look bad, and no it doesn't matter if you use a fake name because sooner or later your guilt is going to catch up to you and haunt you and there is nothing you will be able to do about it! In the future please try to remember that review section are for constructive critism not saying, "YOU SUCK! QUIT WRITING PERIOD!" if you don't like the story tell the person how to make it better or just leave the site. Just a click. It's that simple. You simplton jerks.
P.S. If you read this and have something to discuss with me, don't put it in the review, this is not a livejournal. There's my email, I would enjoy hearing from you.
Danica Loy
On the other hand, to those reviewers who were being cruel, I have it in my right mind to shove a bar of soap down your foul-mouthed throats. You just don't say you don't like a story without a proper reason, that is being very rude and selfish. You're just making yourself look bad, and no it doesn't matter if you use a fake name because sooner or later your guilt is going to catch up to you and haunt you and there is nothing you will be able to do about it! In the future please try to remember that review section are for constructive critism not saying, "YOU SUCK! QUIT WRITING PERIOD!" if you don't like the story tell the person how to make it better or just leave the site. Just a click. It's that simple. You simplton jerks.
P.S. If you read this and have something to discuss with me, don't put it in the review, this is not a livejournal. There's my email, I would enjoy hearing from you.
Danica Loy
schedule
November 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
you Suck at Capitalizing LOL
Yes, Cho/Harry. That definitely qualifies as Harry/OtherMaleCharacter. Fucking RETARD. Shut UP. Who the FUCK would read a story like that?
Yes, Cho/Harry. That definitely qualifies as Harry/OtherMaleCharacter. Fucking RETARD. Shut UP. Who the FUCK would read a story like that?
schedule
November 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
even if it appeared to have some semblence of good plot, or an author who knew English and the rules of capitalization, only a fucking retard outlines the whole plot in the first chapter, point by point.
schedule
November 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You might want to switch your story out of this category. I am sure many people want to read it, but they will find it more easily in a Hetro category rather than the Harry/OtherMaleCharacter sub-category.