schedule
December 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
postpostpostpost!!!
schedule
December 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Perfect.
schedule
December 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Awwwwwwww...HOT...Awwwwww...cute:) Snape's getting some;)Update:):):)
schedule
December 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hi,
I've read your story before - awhile ago - and I want to offer some criticism. I think the idea of the pride is great, very original and very well done, even if they are not exactly like a cat pride. (For example, cats swish their tails when they are angry or have a problem to decide between two alternatives, it has something to do with balance - they used the tail to balance while living on trees - its not terribly important, but perhaps you'd like to know)
What bothers me, and has bothered me the first time I read is, is the number of straight characters in your story which suddenly turn gay. It would not matter if they were characters who are only straight in canon - but they are characters, which YOU explicitly described as straight. The part in which you described Dracos problems with the conception was wonderfull, but then you went and made him gay - this made the whole thing somewhat pointless. Why would he agonise so much about having sex with a male if he was gay, or even bisexual. He might be in denial, but why would he be, if he grew up with the pride? It would make more sense if he thought himself to be gay even if he wasn't, because he wants to belong to the pride so much. The other way around - sorry, it doesn't make sense.
The same thing with Snape. And Tambyn. It appears as if you turned them gay on a whim, just to add some gay sex in the story, or... well, I don't know the reason, really. I think some straight characters would ameliorate your story, and especially the Snape/Amrys thing was superfluous. Interaction between straight and gay characters is interesting, because it adds some heterogeny in a story.
And... well, I know this is a fantasy world and all, but straight persons don't suddenly turn gay because they have sex with the same gender... I would be very happy if this were the case, believe me. If you made your characters this way, you should have a very good reason, and I don't think you have.
I know you wont change this story, its written, and I'm not one who thinks reviewers should influence the plot anyway. But perhaps, I don't know... perhaps you will edit some years in the future or write another story...
I think this is something which makes a story which could have been very good merely average, and that is a bit sad, because, as I said before - you had some great ideas, and you have the talent to write them.
I've read your story before - awhile ago - and I want to offer some criticism. I think the idea of the pride is great, very original and very well done, even if they are not exactly like a cat pride. (For example, cats swish their tails when they are angry or have a problem to decide between two alternatives, it has something to do with balance - they used the tail to balance while living on trees - its not terribly important, but perhaps you'd like to know)
What bothers me, and has bothered me the first time I read is, is the number of straight characters in your story which suddenly turn gay. It would not matter if they were characters who are only straight in canon - but they are characters, which YOU explicitly described as straight. The part in which you described Dracos problems with the conception was wonderfull, but then you went and made him gay - this made the whole thing somewhat pointless. Why would he agonise so much about having sex with a male if he was gay, or even bisexual. He might be in denial, but why would he be, if he grew up with the pride? It would make more sense if he thought himself to be gay even if he wasn't, because he wants to belong to the pride so much. The other way around - sorry, it doesn't make sense.
The same thing with Snape. And Tambyn. It appears as if you turned them gay on a whim, just to add some gay sex in the story, or... well, I don't know the reason, really. I think some straight characters would ameliorate your story, and especially the Snape/Amrys thing was superfluous. Interaction between straight and gay characters is interesting, because it adds some heterogeny in a story.
And... well, I know this is a fantasy world and all, but straight persons don't suddenly turn gay because they have sex with the same gender... I would be very happy if this were the case, believe me. If you made your characters this way, you should have a very good reason, and I don't think you have.
I know you wont change this story, its written, and I'm not one who thinks reviewers should influence the plot anyway. But perhaps, I don't know... perhaps you will edit some years in the future or write another story...
I think this is something which makes a story which could have been very good merely average, and that is a bit sad, because, as I said before - you had some great ideas, and you have the talent to write them.
schedule
December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
^^ Love the ending bit
schedule
December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
that was very naughty of Amyrs but I quite agree with him...I too prefre my man barefoot when I have him just where I want him!
schedule
December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
heart heart heart!
schedule
December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OOOOOOOoooohhh!!! "I prefer MY men barefoot." Awwwwwwwwww:) Keep up the good work! Update:):):):):):):)
schedule
December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I was wondering when we would begin to address on Harry's home life. For the Pride to understand why Harry is the way he is, they must understand where Harry came from. They would then understand why Harry feels that he isn't worth it, that he will loose the King's Love.
I would love it once both the Dursleys and Dumbldork, are addressed.
I would love it once both the Dursleys and Dumbldork, are addressed.
schedule
December 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Yeah! Snape's gonna get some tail. *pun intended*