schedule
November 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
that was good. love the alt ending
schedule
November 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
love it. Its all i need to say :)
schedule
November 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
you have a really good story...i really liked it...and for the record i am glad you kept the ending you did...the alternate ending was really good too...but the one you used better siuts the title as well as the fact that it is a one-shot fic...and shall i say bloody brilliant job on this story : )
schedule
October 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Short, visually arresting, emotionally satisfying, blissfully grammatically and syntactically correct. What\'s not to like?
schedule
October 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Your descriptions are wonderful, but the ending/point falls flat. The second ending doesn\'t add anything at all. Good beginning and good middle.
schedule
October 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
i have another ending for you for all those else.... haha
For what feels like an eternity, they are outside of the world, beyond the realm of humans, beyond that of dancing, into one of pure bliss. In the world of bliss, there are no divisions. There is no racism, no hatred, no war, no death, no pain.
Slowly, they float back down to earth.
Two pairs of hazy, pleasure-glazed eyes open lazily and observe one another.
He is still limply inside her, she is still holding on to him, pressed against the wall.
Not a word is said as he lowers her to the ground, never breaking eye contact. They stand and get dressed.
With one last look at each other, their eyes speeking a hidden message to each other, they vanish into the night, back to the lives they escaped from, even if for just a moment.
As she stands beside the grave of her mentor, her friend she wonders if she will ever be able to live again in the daylight. To really be free of all that haunts her in her waking hours. The memories, the people, the feelings.
But she knows that one the sun has set she can escape... she can be free, just for a moment, but that moment can keep her going, keep her from falling apart... even if there will never be another night quite like it...
For what feels like an eternity, they are outside of the world, beyond the realm of humans, beyond that of dancing, into one of pure bliss. In the world of bliss, there are no divisions. There is no racism, no hatred, no war, no death, no pain.
Slowly, they float back down to earth.
Two pairs of hazy, pleasure-glazed eyes open lazily and observe one another.
He is still limply inside her, she is still holding on to him, pressed against the wall.
Not a word is said as he lowers her to the ground, never breaking eye contact. They stand and get dressed.
With one last look at each other, their eyes speeking a hidden message to each other, they vanish into the night, back to the lives they escaped from, even if for just a moment.
As she stands beside the grave of her mentor, her friend she wonders if she will ever be able to live again in the daylight. To really be free of all that haunts her in her waking hours. The memories, the people, the feelings.
But she knows that one the sun has set she can escape... she can be free, just for a moment, but that moment can keep her going, keep her from falling apart... even if there will never be another night quite like it...
schedule
October 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I liked it.
Great Story
Great Story
schedule
October 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Bloody hell... this was amazing.
I was quite content for it to leave off where you had it, when I spied the additional ending... I read that as well... WOW! This was just... I wish you could have expanded on it a little more. But it was brilliant... *sniffles* poor Ron...
Great work
Bek
I was quite content for it to leave off where you had it, when I spied the additional ending... I read that as well... WOW! This was just... I wish you could have expanded on it a little more. But it was brilliant... *sniffles* poor Ron...
Great work
Bek
schedule
October 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Awe that was so...awe!
I liked that. Perfect mix of lust and love.
I liked that. Perfect mix of lust and love.
schedule
October 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I like it very much without the \'optional happy ending,\' but it was a nice dessert in any event. The staccato, truncated nature of some of your sentences worked very well with the pacing and the urgency of their coupling. It was a very nice set up, and I liked the fact that even after they acknowledged each other\'s identity, they still gave in to their desire. Very, very nice.