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November 7, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this story is marvelous! lovelovelove it :D update soon please! (with plenty of smut)
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November 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Good story so far :) Please update soon
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November 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey Mandy, not a bad fic. :) Love ya lots girl. BTW your bro and I are back together!!!!
Steph
Steph
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October 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hehe, silly Malfoy. Harry couldn\'t do potions if you paid him. I can\'t wait to see what happens during his little meeting with Snape. Snape\'s all \"Um, Draco, Potter didn\'t do anything to you. You\'re just a dirty little bastard.\" MUA HA HA!
ANYWAY! Very good for your first lemon. Extremely good for your first slash lemon. This is the first HP fic I\'ve read, so I don\'t have much to compare it to, but I\'ve got a few suggestions. The action is nice, though you may want to add some more descriptions to it. It will help you flesh out your chapters a bit more thouroughly. (SP?) Maybe if you add these descriptions it will feel more like you\'re letting it happen and less like you\'re telling that it happened. I think it will come alive a little better. Also, The part where you were describing Harry\'s bisexuality might have been a bit contrived. I think it was too much in your voice, and not enough in Harry\'s. Maybe instead of dumping us with those paragraphs you could spread it out through the plot, or maybe have him reminise a bit about his past boyfriend. I think the readers will get the point then. I think there were similar issues when discussing Voldmort\'s defeat. I think that part would improve tremendously if you leaked it in slowly. There\'s no rush. It\'s good to keep us guessing. Otherwise, I thought it was very good, especially for a first effort, and I can\'t wait to see what you have in store for us.
ANYWAY! Very good for your first lemon. Extremely good for your first slash lemon. This is the first HP fic I\'ve read, so I don\'t have much to compare it to, but I\'ve got a few suggestions. The action is nice, though you may want to add some more descriptions to it. It will help you flesh out your chapters a bit more thouroughly. (SP?) Maybe if you add these descriptions it will feel more like you\'re letting it happen and less like you\'re telling that it happened. I think it will come alive a little better. Also, The part where you were describing Harry\'s bisexuality might have been a bit contrived. I think it was too much in your voice, and not enough in Harry\'s. Maybe instead of dumping us with those paragraphs you could spread it out through the plot, or maybe have him reminise a bit about his past boyfriend. I think the readers will get the point then. I think there were similar issues when discussing Voldmort\'s defeat. I think that part would improve tremendously if you leaked it in slowly. There\'s no rush. It\'s good to keep us guessing. Otherwise, I thought it was very good, especially for a first effort, and I can\'t wait to see what you have in store for us.
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September 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I swear I am not Tado....*looks around inocently* And I dont know what your talking about....i never gave kouga any ideas! *sanura hits tado on head* Yes you did mommy and it added a lot more to it ^.^! *blush* ok yeah it did add a lot more to it!!! I am glad you added it!! Now on to chapter *runs to next chapter*!!
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September 22, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter! I have another idea for you...but i will send it to your mail!!! Spiked pumkin juice.....i wonder if we can add that to your bl story some where!! *runs off to ask bob*
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September 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
A story for me? Oh fantastic! I\'m honored! Draco and Harry please! A happily ever after too please! I do so love those! Oh I can\'t wait for chapter 4! The pumpkin juice tasted funny? Harry is horrible at potions. Draco should remember this. Silly thing!
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September 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Aaw, let Draco convince himself it\'s a spell, it\'ll be funnier when he falls! ^_^ I\'m not evil...hehe...just bored! Please keep going!
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September 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This one is much better then the one on ff! But you still havent added the second chapter!!! Oh well I guess I will just have to read from both sites!!! I hope you update this one soon...and heres hoping you add more then whats just on ff!!!
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September 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Are they sharing a dream? Harry doesn\'t feel the cold of the floor. He didn\'t feel the pain from not being prepared. What happens in chapter 2?