AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for No Longer Helpless

by DB2020

person jenny
schedule November 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I know you finished this story long ago, so this review may not have any effect....First of all, I havent read the whole story, but so far the plot\'s pretty good, and I like your versions of Draco & Hermione. But you need a beta, period. If you already have one, they\'re not doing their job, because this story needs help in basic grammar, especially commas, quotations, hyphens/parentheses and run-on sentences. You\'ve got a good story here, but it\'s twice as long as it needs to be because of so much bombastic language and repeated ideas. Consise is good. And NEVER, EVER put author\'s notes in the middle of your chapters, it distracts from the story, it serves no point for the plot, and it\'s a sign of immature writing. But I really am enjoying your story, and I only criticize writers when I think they have the ability to improve.
person Jessica
schedule November 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This story was so awesome. If you ever decide to do a sequal, PLEASE e-mail me and let me know. Awesome job!
person lilycat
schedule October 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow... That was an intense ending. The scene where Blain told Hermione what had happened was very well-written; the contrast of his perception of the events contrasted with her dawning realization and horror was very effective. Poor Draco- you could really feel his angst regarding the whole situation, and it was heartbreaking at times.

It\'s a beautiful story, and a great ending. I will definitely be looking for more of your writing in the future!
person Lily
schedule October 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was a sweet ending. Can\'t wait if there\'s a sequel or an epilogue. Good JOB!
person elektrik_storm
schedule October 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
read this from beginnging to end and this fic is absolutely fantastic! i loved it!
person carabella
schedule October 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ive gotta say, that was a truly fantastic story. sex+a-real-plot=bloody fantasticness!!!!!!!!!
person kurtcouper
schedule October 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Gorrrgeous. I\'m shocked and in love and wow. This was a beautiful and wonderful story that I don\'t think I\'ll ever forget. Thank yoU!!
person Jade Symphony
schedule October 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Cool! I liked your story.
person anon
schedule October 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
As much as I love you for this story. DON\'T DO A SEQUAL!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless you are 2000% sure about it. The sequals I\'ve read here and other places usually aren\'t as good as the original, because its not the same feeling behind it all.
person Kristal
schedule October 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
AWW!!! im SOOO sad!!!
no more!:(
but you gotta write more HG/DM fics!!! and when you do....
EMAIL ME!! haha
ur such an awesome writer!!!
im gunna miss checkin my emails to see if uve update! :(
well i guess this review isnt going to have the \"(email:))\" at the end!!
well i loved the chappy!! its so cute..i do hope u write an epilogue and/or a sequel!!!
ah!!
thnx
Kristal

Age Verification Required

This website contains adult content. You must be 18 years or older to access this site.

Are you 18 years of age or older?