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February 12, 2008 at 12:00 AM
awesome story I hardly ever review a story but I liked
this one and I thought why not well later
this one and I thought why not well later
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July 27, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Nice job.
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July 14, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Ish this ove...NOO!!! I want more...more...MORE!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!! Sorry...I love it!!!!
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June 8, 2007 at 12:00 AM
great story very original i loved it
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January 31, 2007 at 12:00 AM
You can't end it there.
I like your writing, It could be tad better, but it is far above me so I like it.
Update all your stories soon.
""Believe in the Impossible and it shall be true.""
I like your writing, It could be tad better, but it is far above me so I like it.
Update all your stories soon.
""Believe in the Impossible and it shall be true.""
schedule
December 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hey, great story! The story-line is very innovative, and I love the idea of the wolf-pup familiars. While overall your writing is very good, there are some things that I would like to advise against. Please take this as constructive criticism, aimed to improve.
1) I would recommend abstaining from over-repetition of analogies. For example, there are only so many Cheshire cats that I can handle in a sitting. I realize that it's tiring to always think of new ways to express the same thing, but it adds so much.
2) Try to lengthen your paragraphs. A lot of them can be combined, if you find a common theme to link them. In particular, I strongly advise against breaking up speach. In a dialogue, each person's part should be a separate paragraph, but the parts themselves should be whole.
3) Watch your punctuation. Dialogue should be enclosed in quotation marks, and should have a comma if the sentance continues afterwards. For example:
"It's late and I want to go to bed," the boy said.
Similarly, if there is information before the quotation, it should go like this:
Harry exclaimed, "It's so late! I want to go to bed!"
It's not vitally important to the story-line, but it makes it easier for the reader.
4) Finally, proof-read your work. If Dumbledore is Harry's grandfather, then James would be Dumbledore's son, and Dumbledore would be James's father, etc. I noticed a few parts where Dumbledore was Harry's grandfather, and James was Dumbledore's grandson.
Overally, an incredible first attempt! I'm impressed. I know how hard it can be to organize your thoughts and get them down on paper, but there's work to do after that.
Sincerely yours,
Daniel
1) I would recommend abstaining from over-repetition of analogies. For example, there are only so many Cheshire cats that I can handle in a sitting. I realize that it's tiring to always think of new ways to express the same thing, but it adds so much.
2) Try to lengthen your paragraphs. A lot of them can be combined, if you find a common theme to link them. In particular, I strongly advise against breaking up speach. In a dialogue, each person's part should be a separate paragraph, but the parts themselves should be whole.
3) Watch your punctuation. Dialogue should be enclosed in quotation marks, and should have a comma if the sentance continues afterwards. For example:
"It's late and I want to go to bed," the boy said.
Similarly, if there is information before the quotation, it should go like this:
Harry exclaimed, "It's so late! I want to go to bed!"
It's not vitally important to the story-line, but it makes it easier for the reader.
4) Finally, proof-read your work. If Dumbledore is Harry's grandfather, then James would be Dumbledore's son, and Dumbledore would be James's father, etc. I noticed a few parts where Dumbledore was Harry's grandfather, and James was Dumbledore's grandson.
Overally, an incredible first attempt! I'm impressed. I know how hard it can be to organize your thoughts and get them down on paper, but there's work to do after that.
Sincerely yours,
Daniel
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October 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this is one of the best fics i have read. i'm not much of a ginny/harry realationship kind of person. but this was really good. even if the cunt waffle didn't like it. everyone screws up you just need a beta or type up the story in word first. but other than that this is fucking good!!!!
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October 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i know i just put up a review but seriously this was a real (if printed)page turner and very funny. i love this story please post soon!!!!
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October 16, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That is a dam good storie. Love it keep it up.
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July 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I looove your story! Please update really fast?
And don't even consider giving up on your writing,
no matter what other readers say, i think your great.
And don't even consider giving up on your writing,
no matter what other readers say, i think your great.