rate_review Reviews

having seen your response to blunt criticism (atrocious, you make my eyes bleed), I’ll try and be a bit gentler.  That said, plain and simple, your writing does need some work,

This piece is filled with several brilliant ideas that are worthy of individual stories of their own, and therein lies one problem: with so much going on, you’ve overwhelmed the reader with interesting plots that need a more thorough exposition.

Particularly problematic are storylines where the plot deviates so far from the HP canon.  Almost all FanFic deviates from canon, and that’s okay; the authors obligation is to make the reader understands the differences well enough for their story to make sense.  This is where the instant story fails most spectacularly.  

JKR’s genius lies not just in her imagination, but in her ability to tie complex storylines and motivations together, and in providing backstories for the characters that drive their actions through the story.  It’s one thing to have an imaginative idea that can be made to fit in the HP-verse, it’s another thing to tie it in so that it actually does fit in.

Finally, the toughest thing to write in any story is convincing dialogue between the characters. It is a common short coming in many of the FanFic story’s on this website, and this story is no exception.

Break this story down into it’s component parts and try again:  Harry to a 4 year old and back; Harry and Ginny as soul mates; bringing Harry’s parents back; Dumbledore and McGonagill as Harry’s antecedents(?).  Pick one, go back, tie the plot line together with an adequate back story that covers the differences between your HP-verse and canon, and then make the characters actions and dialog drive your story, instead of getting dragged along behind it like a body tied behind a pick-up truck.