rate_review Reviews

The plot it cute. There are several writing errors though. The tense changes througout the sentance and in and on are mixed up.

Wow. That was...wow. Hot!! And this is your first sex story? Wow.
I really, really liked it. Please write more stories like this one, and i will love you forever. = )

Oh wow! *sigh* I love it!

That was so nice. i was crying in the last part.

You did a really good job, you just need to work on your grammar. I loved the fact that Harry got all jealous went about proving that he was the best lay Draco\'s ever had, it was really sweet and nicely detailed

Awww this was absolutely adorable. Gosh I love happy endings. *sigh* ahhh the wonders of fluff.
This was great. Thanks for sharing!!

Cheers,
Pamela

Ok it was a VERY good story. But you got the contexts of words wrong a lot like you kept writingg on instead of in, and tenses like you kept saying thinks like \'He was aware that his neck id getting wet from Draco

*sigh* \"I just love a happy ending! That was definitely sweet.\"

Well it is a good story for sure. I\'m sure that I won\'t be the only one to tell you that you will need a beta. You seem to stuggle with understanding when you need to use present or past tense in your writing. Reading alot should help there and a good beta. The sex scene was well written and you should have no worries there and referring to other authors works should give you more confidence as well. Keep up the good work. Oh, and even when I do a review such as this I definitely proofread to see what I left out or misspelled and you would be surprised how many times I catch myself in error.

There was such a big problem with the tenses that it spoiled the whole story. You need to turn everything into past tense, (are-were, was; will-would, I am-I was, have-had...). You can\'t just mix past and present in narration.