schedule
August 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is a very descriptive fic. But I have to agree that your character is a little Mary Sue, but don\'t worry, cause that\'s fine (I have Nothing against them, many are very good if not abused). I hope Harry gets lucky :) Draco\'s a prat :( haha, continue.
schedule
July 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting start, hope you write more!
schedule
June 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hmm. Wouldn\'t 44DD boobs be rather a hazard for a Quidditch player? Although useful if you fell off your broom, I guess.
Seriously, honey, you\'re obviously enjoying writing this, so keep going. But I would strongly advise you to get yourself someone who can beta it. The lack of paragraph breaks makes it difficult for anyone else to read: it\'s one huge chunk of text. And the inconsistent punctuation makes things again more difficult for the reader, especially with the dialogue.
Beware also of making your OFC too perfect: beautiful, clever, international sportswoman with a phoenix for a pet... not to mention being a US transfer student, you\'re running very close to all the cliches of Mary Sue characters, which would be a shame because you *can* write. She doesn\'t have to be absolutely perfect in every way for Harry and Draco to fight over her. Characters with flaws are often more interesting.
Seriously, honey, you\'re obviously enjoying writing this, so keep going. But I would strongly advise you to get yourself someone who can beta it. The lack of paragraph breaks makes it difficult for anyone else to read: it\'s one huge chunk of text. And the inconsistent punctuation makes things again more difficult for the reader, especially with the dialogue.
Beware also of making your OFC too perfect: beautiful, clever, international sportswoman with a phoenix for a pet... not to mention being a US transfer student, you\'re running very close to all the cliches of Mary Sue characters, which would be a shame because you *can* write. She doesn\'t have to be absolutely perfect in every way for Harry and Draco to fight over her. Characters with flaws are often more interesting.